 I rarely remember my dreams, so when I do, I consider them quite interesting, possibly even significant. One of our family dogs from many years ago, Kelly, came to mind recently in a stressful dream. She was distressed, barking as she often did, chained up outside in our back yard. There was a lot of water all around her from rain & a hose or sprinkler. She was in desperate need of rescue & companionship. In the dream, I was so tired (no surprise there) & was sleeping. My x-partner & his girlfriend came by encouraging me to 'deal with' (help) Kelly. Finally I gathered the strength & went out to see her. She was so eager to see me even if only for the possibility of 'something better'. She scrambled up many stairs to get to me & away from the miserable, sogginess of her home base. However, as she reached the top step, the cable attached to her collar began violently hoisting her back down several flights of stairs toward her doghouse. I winced watching her go limp & take the fall. How many times has she been through this? I woke up hurting, startled & sad. One of the symptoms of me/cfs is "unrefreshing sleep" which means that upon waking, I feel as though my 'sleep' involved completing a triathlon while having the flu & then being run over by a truck. Is this symptom occurring because, even though I don't recall, I frequently have disturbing dreams like this one about Kelly? Or do I have stressful dreams like this about hope & continuing to try even when it hurts because I have a medically neglected disease & this is how it feels, over & over again?
I've always admired how loyal & happy dogs are. Even when they are not treated well, they still love their human companions & are content with only scraps of food & attention. That is enough, for now anyway, about my sad dog dream & memories. I want to change the subject entirely & point out the verses in the book of John where Jesus speaks about joy (at least three times): If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. John 15:10-12 So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete. John 16:22-24 Before Jesus' death, this is Him praying to ('Himself'), the Father: I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them. John 17:13
My friend & I, one of the things we do to help us through painful symptoms & other difficulties is imagine & discuss what heaven will be like. It brings us joy & peace to wonder about living where not only all our own needs & Godly desires are met, but everyone's are. Instead of the majority of our time & energy spent on survival, our entire focus will be on praising God with singing, connecting with each other & having fun. There is no time like the present, of course, to do these things! Eternal life is forever, so in a certain sense, it is already well underway. Lord Jesus, I ask in your name, please let the worship of you through friendship, fun & leisure increase. Bless you Lord for telling us that we're your friends (John 15:15). Your words contain the full measure of your joy within them! Amen. Luke records Jesus teaching the parable of the sower: "The seed is the word of God." (8:11), He explains to His disciples. When seed falls on good soil it yields an abundant crop (Luke 8:8). Moreover, in the first chapter of John, it is written: "In the beginning ... the word was God. (John 1:1) & the word became flesh & made his dwelling among us (John 1:14). The seed, of course, is Jesus Christ. He gives His word through His disciples, the good soil. Joel Kramer explains it this way: a seed is a container that holds a little plant that can feed & sustain many people.
When planted in good soil, it is the container, the protective, outer shell of the seed that "dies" by breaking open & falling away so that the life unseen within comes forth. A seed that dies in the right conditions, rather than withering into dust, gives way to 'the next version' of itself. This next version is more suitable to the immediate & upcoming environments. Jesus died so His disciples for many generations can live upon His word, resurrected flesh, forgiveness & harvest -- "I am the bread of life" He said (John 6:35). And also, we rest upon & grow in strength from the blessings of the Holy Spirit He's sent us from the Father: When the Advocate comes, whom I will send to you from the Father--the Spirit of truth who goes out from the Father--he will testify about me And you also must testify, for you have been with me from the beginning. John 15:26-27 But very truly I tell you, it is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Advocate will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you. John 16:7  We can see this full grown wheat plant as Jesus' resurrected self witnessed by His disciples & many others. Without intending to be too dramatic or depressing, being sick for so long with me/cfs, has been at least somewhat of a 'dying-to-self' experience. My outer, 'protective shell', or certain, core aspects of my personality have had to give way. There are many things about me that are currently no longer, due to disability.  This digital art I made is inspired by parts work with Internal Family Systems. With having me/cfs illness/disability, my manager parts have died & the weaker, less desirable parts (exiles) have thus not only been exposed but have had to take over 'running the show' of my life & personality. With the help of the Lord & my family, 'they' are doing the best they can. Not all is lost, thankfully, I have come to appreciate that what I do, feel, think, like & don't like are pretty trivial & temporary aspects of myself compared to my deepest identity in Christ. For it is only in Christ that we are brought to fullness (Colossians 2:10). Does fullness mean perfection? No way, of course not in a human sense anyway. Fullness means knowing the Lord, putting my faith in Him & thus being at peace with what is (e.g. 'whether living in plenty or in want' Philippians 4:12). Not every moment am I content by any means, but in the bigger picture & gradually, increasingly so, I am. Over many years of increasing disability, as my old self has fallen away, several new versions of me have emerged but they also did not survive. In two years from now, I will be starting my fifth decade! I pray that by then, 'Jeannene 5.0' will be the healthiest version; strong & adaptable to sustain herself long-term. I appreciate already that embracing the opposite ways as well as my old ways, will very likely be required. This is not easy but seems necessary for growth. For example, I have finally developed past needing to be a helper & caregiver! Phew :) But still, I could improve further in terms of asking for & receiving community (as in unpaid) help. I have changed completely in no longer feeling sad or lonely without validation or input from others when I share these blogs, posts or my art on social media. Also, I am stepping back & letting God do His work through me rather than eagerly, persevering in what I think God's purpose for me is. A wise, new friend recently pointed out to me the Bible verse Proverbs 19:21: "Many are the plans in a person's heart but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."
Jesus told Martha: "I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?" (John 11:25). This photo of a wheat field represents all those who emphatically answer "Yes!" 
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 In the beginning, God laid the foundation of the earth (Genesis 1:1; Psalm 102:25). The old testament details God's creation of the natural world, human life & morality. While Jesus, the Word, comes in the flesh (John 1:14) long after creation began, He has always been (John 1:1-3; John 8:58; Hebrews 13:8). He is described as the 'chief cornerstone' in Isaiah (28:16) & Proverbs (18:10) tells us that the NAME of the LORD is 'a strong tower'.  In the passage Luke 14:25-35, Jesus teaches His followers what He later demonstrates on the cross, that the next major step in the completion of God's foundation, costs everything. While dying on the cross, when Jesus says: "It is finished" (John 19:30) this means the fulfillment of God's law is compete. By giving His life, He made all of humankind redeemable; whosoever chooses to be. Only by first choosing Jesus, is it remotely possible for us to follow Him because according to Luke 14, doing so means giving up close relationships, our possessions & our own lives (26-27 & 33). We need His strength to be able to do this.  There are so many connections & passages in the Bible about God's foundation (Ezra 3:11; Zechariah 8:9; Luke 6:47-49; 2 Timothy 2:19). The verses: 1 Corinthians 3:10-15 cautions us to take much care when 'building upon' it, in other words, sharing it with others, through scripture & in actions, for example. It's an enormous responsibility that God tests by fire for all the world to see.  Jesus tells us, in no easy words, in the second half of Luke 14, what is needed to follow Him in this fallen world. These 'terms of peace' were established through His crucifixion & resurrection. The battle against sin & death could not have been won without Him. While on earth, Christians must still resist 'the evil one' & we do so by following Jesus' commands from within His robe of righteousness (Isaiah 61:10), peace (John 14:27) & armor of God (Eph. 6:11-18).  Chapter 14 of Luke, has me questioning, are even the majority of Christians actually following the commands from Jesus in Luke 14? How often do we invite the poor & those with disabilities to banquets in our home or at church & "compel them to come in" (Luke 14:13 & 23)?  Furthermore, how do we show God that we 'miseó' (hate, as in prefer less) our families compared to Him (Luke 14:26)? Numerous people in other parts of the world are ostracized by their family for loving Christ & many have been & are being killed, for believing in Him. This is what: 'carry your cross' means. Jesus makes it clear what is expected, not for salvation but for discipleship & yes, it's a lot. Can we do it? Only by His power & not perfectly, of course! Oh Lord, please help all Christians who struggle to do your will, to do your will, in Jesus name, amen. Can you imagine how life on earth will be when all Christians take Jesus seriously? And when 'every knee will bow...' (Php. 2:10 NASB), the last will be first & the first, last (Matt. 19:30 & 20:16; Mark 10:31; Luke 13:30). People who are used to being poor can become immensely empowered with even a little bit more than they are used to. Whereas, it will be hard-going for those who are used to living in excess. Most importantly though, as described in the time of Acts, people were of 'one heart & soul' without any person in need! These are the 'terms of peace' Christ died for: His kingdom come, His will be done, on earth as it is in heaven, amen!   This wild tree next door makes me think of how I was. Surely producing fruit, so much so that the quality wasn't right, mostly inedible actually. Suitable only to the birds during winter months. Thus, my work did not pass God's test of flames. I've suffered much loss, yet thankfully, I have been spared. This tree that is me has been undergoing the Lord's hefty pruning & this has not been a comfortable process for me, to say the least. Even still, I am more than pleased to remain in Him (John 15:5), as His disciple, so that I can bear much healthier fruit.  He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. John 15:2 1 John 4:8 says that God is love. From reading Scripture, I understand that while God's love is unconditional, it certainly doesn't always feel good! He gives us the choice of salvation & the many expectations of discipleship. These are the 'keys of the kingdom' (Matthew 16:19), I think. What of the church needs to be pruned & what of Jesus' expectations needs to be better fulfilled by us, the body of Christ?  |
