Rise to Rest: Ephesians 5:14

"Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible--and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. This is why it is said: "Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." Ephesians 5:11-14

My Great Grandpa, Emmanuel, which means, God is with us, saved my life! Indirectly of course, as I never even met him. When my Granny, Joyce, was just over a year old, he rescued her from being burned to death in a furnace. Her Mom, my Great Grandma was very sick but they didn't know what was wrong at the time. Later on they found out her illness was from barbaric dental work & it resulted in her committing the delusional & dangerous act of putting her only child into their furnace! My Grandma later found out, this was out of 'obedience to God' like when God told Abraham to sacrifice Isaac. Thank God, Emmanuel was there to intervene. 

So I have a connection with my maternal, Great Grandma - both of us having mysterious illnesses. Thank goodness, I have not been driven to such 'madness' as to attempt to sacrifice any babies, but it has driven me to my own kind of crazy. I went through something extremely difficult & embarrassing that is related to the on-going health problems as well as being sensitive to energy (what some call being a 'highly sensitive person').

​Being sensitive to energy is like having no skin or my nervous system on the outside of my body. Or, being tossed around at sea without a boat. Meanwhile, others seem to be in freighters, speed boats or cruise ships, just passing by with ease. I don't see much of those folks lately, but that is probably because I don't get out much!

These lyrics are from the popular worship song "Reckless Love" written by Cory Asbury, Caleb Culver, and Ran Jackson, famously performed by Cory Asbury and Bethel Music.

Back in 2019, I went to Dance Divine, a conscious, free-style dance-space on a Sunday morning. I had been to many of these types of free-style dances before & nothing was unusual about this day. But part way through, something was different. A certain, distinct energy came over or into me. It was almost violent, asserting its way through me, feeling like a massive sea serpent! My body instinctively eased up so the 'entity' would be less damaging & so it rippled through, with me convulsing in waves on the floor. Strange...I know! This was happening while I was surrounded by about 30 people dancing around me. And it's not over yet...

In hindsight, I guess the 'serpent energy' bullied or pushed me into publicly pleading with God; a literal cry for help. I certainly don't like being center of attention, so rarely if ever speak up loudly, but this was a totally-out-of-the-ordinary experience. I am so grateful that someone reached out their hand & helped me stand up. My legs felt so weak & shaky & I felt incredibly urged to get back on the floor to continue writhing.

It was not just my body but my voice was hijacked also. Boldly blurting out into the ethers, as if some part of me was nearly certain I was the only one left here. Yet, everyone in that large dance space couldn't help but hear me alternating between shouting: "Fuck You!" & "Thank You!" repeatedly, like 10-20 times! OH MY, right?! 

It was Amy Color who reached out & stood by me. I didn't even know her name at that time. She came face to face with me, looking me in the eyes & clasping onto my hands. When I told her: "I need to lay back down" she kept holding my hands & said: "I am staying standing." This helped me continue to stand even though it was incredibly difficult. The 'serpent energy' eventually dissipated & I calmed down, re-centered & became my usual self again during the dance. As mortifying as the experience was for me to go through in front all those people I didn't know, the afterward part felt even worse. 

When the dance ended, the group of us sat in a closing circle. I felt extremely exposed in front of everyone because of what had happened! I had a chance to speak to the group & did my best but I stumbled because I did not yet have words to express myself adequately. The others in the group felt distant, cold & uncaring. No one asked how I was doing or offered a hug or any other form of compassion. Had they been 'holding space' for me? Were they just stunned, uncomfortable & afraid? I don't know, but it sure felt unbelievably awful. I felt shunned. It was as if the event leader thought I had done some theatrics on purpose, taking away a positive experience from the other participants, especially the new people. I certainly didn't intend for anything unusual to happen. Being invaded by a sea serpent wasn't anything I anticipated nor was it a choice out of my own volition, which indeed was quite terrifying. I am grateful to be more aware of energy like that now.  

A few times, after that experience, I reached out to Nadia Van Doren of Core Connexion, who I knew from when I lived in Calgary. She was patient & lovely in helping me process what happened & release the shame & embarrassment that I felt about it. I figure that the 'serpent energy' forced a part of me that was frightened, exhausted & unacceptable, to finally speak up. Sadly & also understandably, that part was not well received, except by one person & then later, another person & myself. Thank God for Amy & Nadia!

That experience taught me a few valuable things. One, it was part of the path that led to me re-dedicating my life to Christ. And since doing that, I am much more conscious of His constant presence - me in Him & Him in me. Any 'serpent energy' is like a little worm to Christ Jesus. Since being in close relationship with Jesus, whom I consider to be the modern day equivalent of Noah's Ark, rather than feeling tossed around at sea, I am much more aware of my safety & reassurance, being on this gigantic ship that is heading where I want to go!   

Also, if called for, I pray that I will be for someone else, a strong, compassionate & steady person like Amy & Nadia were for me, when I was in need. 

"Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead & Christ will shine on you." This is not likely going to be pretty. It's a messy & often ugly process. This incident I am writing about, wasn't even the beginning of the end of my rope. I had been dangling in quite a predicament for a long time. It took TEN YEARS (from 2007 to 2017) of seeking medical help to finally get properly assessed & diagnosed with ME/CFS.

Back at the dance, I believe that my yelling "Fuck You" is self-explanatory but "Thank You", maybe not so much. It was my genuine praise to God for giving me the fortitude to keep making the best of a difficult situation by staying open to growth, learning & beauty.

Over the years, it has been very important to persist in getting my needs met in calmly-assertive & safe ways rather than neglecting them until they explode out inappropriately.​

I have found it frustrating & ironic that the more I 'wake up', the more I need rest & sleep! But Jesus explains this by saying: 

As long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. (John 9:4)

​​​True rest occurs in Christ: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)​

"Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?" He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quite! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!" Mark 4:38-41

Dear Jesus, there are storms in life that I can't do anything about except trust you. Help me to be like you, able to sleep & rest peacefully especially during difficult times, when I need it most. Sleeping with one eye open is not healthy. Holy Spirit, please come into the most vigilant & vulnerable parts of my mind & body. Heal me & allow me to feel safe, relaxed & protected under your light & watchful eye. Help me do what is pleasing to you. Precious Lord, bring me into your essential, regenerative & restorative sleep each night & into restful, closeness with you every day, amen. 

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. Philippians 1:21