 For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse. (Romans 1:20) When I look at this photo, I think of the Bible verse, Roman 1:20 because these flowers, especially the middle parts, look hand-made, embroidered! And indeed, they are. The month of June & the book of Romans have been blowing me away! When my words are too many & not sufficient, I turn to making an art montage. Capturing some of the magnificence, mystery & memories ... it's a bit like catching butterflies in a net with holes that are too large. May I share the gist at least; please enjoy 🙏
0 Comments
 This photo of me is from the spring of 2006, taken on the Isle of Rum at a Scottish music festival. I never dreamed that nineteen years later, it would be used to share the gospel! It is a perfect image though, for this verse. Straight to the point of what matters most while having fun with it. Making 'light' of serious topics is Jesus' jam. I can be quite a 'laser arrow' for God. Not meant for killing of course, but an intense light for sharing life abundantly (John 10:10). Arrows like me, need breaks or at least missions that are less intensely 'lasery'. I have no doubt I will be back to it in His perfect timing. Rest in God is necessary to produce good works just as seeds need time in soil to germinate, sprout, grow & produce.  My friend, Suzanne, colored this feather image as a gift for me. I chose this graphic out of a hundred or so options because it confirms my experience. I am being protected under God's wings as I rest. It is such a blessing to receive the softness of God's feathers as I am being restored in His quiver. Indeed, instead of being a 'laser arrow', lately I am more inclined to give of myself as a soft feather! He made my mouth like a sharpened sword, in the shadow of his hand he hid me; he made me into a polished arrow and concealed me in his quiver. Isa 49:2 On Discovering the Jewish Jesus YouTube channel, Cynthia Schneider shares a word about God & the bow & arrow:  I have a feeling, that many Christians, if they were really to take time & space to 'lean back into God Almighty', they would actually fall asleep! Given my daily experience, I suspect that it is not just me, but the whole body of Christ that is tired! We must keep on giving our burdens up to the Lord & realize that God's bow for each individual member is not always drawn. As His disciples or 'arrows', we are safe to rest in His quiver. Trusting that: "We will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon us." (Acts 1:8). One aspect of Holy Spirit power is recognizing that it is quite different than the power that the world values. It may not be productive in a monetary or material sense. Holy Spirit power works in ways that we are not to know about. Like this blog; other than for myself, I don't know what or who else it is for. Regardless, I appreciate receiving power to write & publish. I'd like to change gears now & touch upon the 'mind-body syndrome' of chronic pain. It is by no means a new idea that suppressed emotion such as anger or fear causes physical symptoms. While I am not one to deny the bio-psychological factors of pain, I want to emphasize the major reality I experience with ME/CFS (which involves chronic pain), is the enormous strength required to complete basic activities of daily living in spite of fear. Fear seems like an annoying mosquito, in comparison to my on-going trek through "Mount Symptoms".  The concept of 'mind-body syndrome' is that physical symptoms replace painful emotions such as anger or fear because symptoms are considered to be more safe to the primitive part of the brain than certain emotions & their consequences. While I agree that for many people, physical pain tends to be more acceptable (& therefore more safe) than being a tyrant or in mental & emotional anguish; however, being painfully exhausted is not the same. As an adult, energy depletion is more unsafe than feeling & expressing emotions. To live well, we need to allow space for our own & others' emotions. We are encouraged many times throughout the Bible to not be afraid. Does this mean that we should ignore or 'stuff' fear instead of feeling it? No, I think, like David in the Psalms, God wants us to acknowledge our grievances & then turn from them to Him. This is repentance. The highlighted Bible verse, Acts 2:38 commands us to repent & receive the Holy Spirit. Likewise, in this YouTube video, Jamie Winship says: "The Spirit critiques & energizes within you all the time. ... The formula of prophetic is critique & energize. ... It's God's kindness energy that leads us to repentance." Jamie shares a powerful story of a prisoner expressing fear in this sermon. Resting in Christ upon this topic the past few days, I felt as I wrote this simple poem about fear:   And now, going back to that little, annoying 'mosquito'. Sometimes it's the straw that breaks me! Already I'm so taxed navigating physical challenges & then its hum pierces my eardrum, it stabs me, steals my blood & leaves me with itchy bumps. Grrrr! But now, I see this mosquito is just a hurting exiled part of myself, loaded down with fear. I understand, something that is not survival-oriented has to be hard to ignore to get my attention. That said, mosquitos are one creature I don't feel badly killing if they are hunting me! Smack. So beware, little mosquito, you've been warned. I'll do my best to help you unburden on a regular basis & please do not pursue me with painful emotions too intensely; no swarms! How grateful & blessed I am to be confident in the love of my Father. I bring all these fears to Him, one by one. They rise up & off as vapor (my favorite image) & trickle away, released as tears, in God's presence. If they come back, I will go to Him with them again. His love never ends; it never runs out & it never gives up on me, amen!
 I rarely remember my dreams, so when I do, I consider them quite interesting, possibly even significant. One of our family dogs from many years ago, Kelly, came to mind recently in a stressful dream. She was distressed, barking as she often did, chained up outside in our back yard. There was a lot of water all around her from rain & a hose or sprinkler. She was in desperate need of rescue & companionship. In the dream, I was so tired (no surprise there) & was sleeping. My x-partner & his girlfriend came by encouraging me to 'deal with' (help) Kelly. Finally I gathered the strength & went out to see her. She was so eager to see me even if only for the possibility of 'something better'. She scrambled up many stairs to get to me & away from the miserable, sogginess of her home base. However, as she reached the top step, the cable attached to her collar began violently hoisting her back down several flights of stairs toward her doghouse. I winced watching her go limp & take the fall. How many times has she been through this? I woke up hurting, startled & sad. One of the symptoms of me/cfs is "unrefreshing sleep" which means that upon waking, I feel as though my 'sleep' involved completing a triathlon while having the flu & then being run over by a truck. Is this symptom occurring because, even though I don't recall, I frequently have disturbing dreams like this one about Kelly? Or do I have stressful dreams like this about hope & continuing to try even when it hurts because I have a medically neglected disease & this is how it feels, over & over again?
I've always admired how loyal & happy dogs are. Even when they are not treated well, they still love their human companions & are content with only scraps of food & attention. That is enough, for now anyway, about my sad dog dream & memories. I want to change the subject entirely & point out the verses in the book of John where Jesus speaks about joy (at least three times): If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. John 15:10-12 So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete. John 16:22-24 Before Jesus' death, this is Him praying to ('Himself'), the Father: I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them. John 17:13
My friend & I, one of the things we do to help us through painful symptoms & other difficulties is imagine & discuss what heaven will be like. It brings us joy & peace to wonder about living where not only all our own needs & Godly desires are met, but everyone's are. Instead of the majority of our time & energy spent on survival, our entire focus will be on praising God with singing, connecting with each other & having fun. There is no time like the present, of course, to do these things! Eternal life is forever, so in a certain sense, it is already well underway. Lord Jesus, I ask in your name, please let the worship of you through friendship, fun & leisure increase. Bless you Lord for telling us that we're your friends (John 15:15). Your words contain the full measure of your joy within them! Amen. Luke records Jesus teaching the parable of the sower: "The seed is the word of God." (8:11), He explains to His disciples. When seed falls on good soil it yields an abundant crop (Luke 8:8). Moreover, in the first chapter of John, it is written: "In the beginning ... the word was God. (John 1:1) & the word became flesh & made his dwelling among us (John 1:14). The seed, of course, is Jesus Christ. He gives His word through His disciples, the good soil. Joel Kramer explains it this way: a seed is a container that holds a little plant that can feed & sustain many people.
When planted in good soil, it is the container, the protective, outer shell of the seed that "dies" by breaking open & falling away so that the life unseen within comes forth. A seed that dies in the right conditions, rather than withering into dust, gives way to 'the next version' of itself. This next version is more suitable to the immediate & upcoming environments. Jesus died so His disciples for many generations can live upon His word, resurrected flesh, forgiveness & harvest -- "I am the bread of life" He said (John 6:35). And also, we rest upon & grow in strength from the blessings of the Holy Spirit He's sent us from the Father: When the Advocate comes, whom I will send to you from the Father--the Spirit of truth who goes out from the Father--he will testify about me And you also must testify, for you have been with me from the beginning. John 15:26-27 But very truly I tell you, it is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Advocate will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you. John 16:7  We can see this full grown wheat plant as Jesus' resurrected self witnessed by His disciples & many others. Without intending to be too dramatic or depressing, being sick for so long with me/cfs, has been at least somewhat of a 'dying-to-self' experience. My outer, 'protective shell', or certain, core aspects of my personality have had to give way. There are many things about me that are currently no longer, due to disability.  This digital art I made is inspired by parts work with Internal Family Systems. With having me/cfs illness/disability, my manager parts have died & the weaker, less desirable parts (exiles) have thus not only been exposed but have had to take over 'running the show' of my life & personality. With the help of the Lord & my family, 'they' are doing the best they can. Not all is lost, thankfully, I have come to appreciate that what I do, feel, think, like & don't like are pretty trivial & temporary aspects of myself compared to my deepest identity in Christ. For it is only in Christ that we are brought to fullness (Colossians 2:10). Does fullness mean perfection? No way, of course not in a human sense anyway. Fullness means knowing the Lord, putting my faith in Him & thus being at peace with what is (e.g. 'whether living in plenty or in want' Philippians 4:12). Not every moment am I content by any means, but in the bigger picture & gradually, increasingly so, I am. Over many years of increasing disability, as my old self has fallen away, several new versions of me have emerged but they also did not survive. In two years from now, I will be starting my fifth decade! I pray that by then, 'Jeannene 5.0' will be the healthiest version; strong & adaptable to sustain herself long-term. I appreciate already that embracing the opposite ways as well as my old ways, will very likely be required. This is not easy but seems necessary for growth. For example, I have finally developed past needing to be a helper & caregiver! Phew :) But still, I could improve further in terms of asking for & receiving community (as in unpaid) help. I have changed completely in no longer feeling sad or lonely without validation or input from others when I share these blogs, posts or my art on social media. Also, I am stepping back & letting God do His work through me rather than eagerly, persevering in what I think God's purpose for me is. A wise, new friend recently pointed out to me the Bible verse Proverbs 19:21: "Many are the plans in a person's heart but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."
Jesus told Martha: "I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?" (John 11:25). This photo of a wheat field represents all those who emphatically answer "Yes!"   In the beginning, God laid the foundation of the earth (Genesis 1:1; Psalm 102:25). The old testament details God's creation of the natural world, human life & morality. While Jesus, the Word, comes in the flesh (John 1:14) long after creation began, He has always been (John 1:1-3; John 8:58; Hebrews 13:8). He is described as the 'chief cornerstone' in Isaiah (28:16) & Proverbs (18:10) tells us that the NAME of the LORD is 'a strong tower'.  In the passage Luke 14:25-35, Jesus teaches His followers what He later demonstrates on the cross, that the next major step in the completion of God's foundation, costs everything. While dying on the cross, when Jesus says: "It is finished" (John 19:30) this means the fulfillment of God's law is compete. By giving His life, He made all of humankind redeemable; whosoever chooses to be. Only by first choosing Jesus, is it remotely possible for us to follow Him because according to Luke 14, doing so means giving up close relationships, our possessions & our own lives (26-27 & 33). We need His strength to be able to do this.  There are so many connections & passages in the Bible about God's foundation (Ezra 3:11; Zechariah 8:9; Luke 6:47-49; 2 Timothy 2:19). The verses: 1 Corinthians 3:10-15 cautions us to take much care when 'building upon' it, in other words, sharing it with others, through scripture & in actions, for example. It's an enormous responsibility that God tests by fire for all the world to see.  Jesus tells us, in no easy words, in the second half of Luke 14, what is needed to follow Him in this fallen world. These 'terms of peace' were established through His crucifixion & resurrection. The battle against sin & death could not have been won without Him. While on earth, Christians must still resist 'the evil one' & we do so by following Jesus' commands from within His robe of righteousness (Isaiah 61:10), peace (John 14:27) & armor of God (Eph. 6:11-18).  Chapter 14 of Luke, has me questioning, are even the majority of Christians actually following the commands from Jesus in Luke 14? How often do we invite the poor & those with disabilities to banquets in our home or at church & "compel them to come in" (Luke 14:13 & 23)?  Furthermore, how do we show God that we 'miseó' (hate, as in prefer less) our families compared to Him (Luke 14:26)? Numerous people in other parts of the world are ostracized by their family for loving Christ & many have been & are being killed, for believing in Him. This is what: 'carry your cross' means. Jesus makes it clear what is expected, not for salvation but for discipleship & yes, it's a lot. Can we do it? Only by His power & not perfectly, of course! Oh Lord, please help all Christians who struggle to do your will, to do your will, in Jesus name, amen. Can you imagine how life on earth will be when all Christians take Jesus seriously? And when 'every knee will bow...' (Php. 2:10 NASB), the last will be first & the first, last (Matt. 19:30 & 20:16; Mark 10:31; Luke 13:30). People who are used to being poor can become immensely empowered with even a little bit more than they are used to. Whereas, it will be hard-going for those who are used to living in excess. Most importantly though, as described in the time of Acts, people were of 'one heart & soul' without any person in need! These are the 'terms of peace' Christ died for: His kingdom come, His will be done, on earth as it is in heaven, amen!   This wild tree next door makes me think of how I was. Surely producing fruit, so much so that the quality wasn't right, mostly inedible actually. Suitable only to the birds during winter months. Thus, my work did not pass God's test of flames. I've suffered much loss, yet thankfully, I have been spared. This tree that is me has been undergoing the Lord's hefty pruning & this has not been a comfortable process for me, to say the least. Even still, I am more than pleased to remain in Him (John 15:5), as His disciple, so that I can bear much healthier fruit.  He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. John 15:2 1 John 4:8 says that God is love. From reading Scripture, I understand that while God's love is unconditional, it certainly doesn't always feel good! He gives us the choice of salvation & the many expectations of discipleship. These are the 'keys of the kingdom' (Matthew 16:19), I think. What of the church needs to be pruned & what of Jesus' expectations needs to be better fulfilled by us, the body of Christ?   I was around 5 years old, sitting at one of many round tables, in a church gymnasium that my granny Joyce brought me to. I remember hearing the gospel & following along the prayer of welcoming Jesus into my heart. It seemed an obvious thing to do – eternal love, protection & forgiveness - a no-brainer, really! Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it. Mark 10:15 While growing up, I went to Sunday school & Bible camp with my cousins in the summers. I felt especially connected with God during nature walks on my own & while singing in chapel. As I got older, youth group & church camps gradually became more about boys & pretending not to care about catty, cliquey girl fights, than it was about God. At a Christian music concert, I remember taking a 'pledge of purity' when I was 12 or 13. The speaker explained that sexual activity with another person is like gluing two pieces of paper together. The pages won't come apart without some damage. Later in my teen years, I developed significant concerns about Christianity that remained unsettled for many years. I couldn’t make sense of it being ‘the only true religion’. Now I understand that Jesus is the only way to the Father (John 14:6) & eternal life (John 17:3). Another area of confusion I had back then was about things in scripture that are outdated & no longer apply. For example, it is now understood that the masculine pronoun was used to refer to humankind not just to men. Topics about things such as slavery, sexuality & marriage, I thought were similarly 'old-fashioned'. I didn’t investigate much further or ask anyone to clarify though. While I didn’t outright give up on Christianity, I mostly set it aside & let other things take priority.   Namely, my first boyfriend ('Luke'), became my everything. Compared to Luke, who filled my life with fun & purpose, it was as if I had moved Jesus into the doghouse or stuffed Him away in a box labeled keepsakes stored in the attic. I eagerly gave Luke the spot in my life that God is supposed to have. Jesus tells His followers that we are to love God with all that we’ve got! I am not sure even now what this means or looks like but I know I wasn’t doing it! How exactly are we supposed to do this along side working full-time, having relationships & hobbies etc...?  It's a good thing that young people nowadays are taught about consent. What stands out to me about this acronym FRIES is the word: 'Informed'. In order to make wise decisions, we need to be informed! I definitely wasn’t fully informed. Even though I had some general Biblical teaching & Christian influence in my life, I was far from having a proper Biblical perspective on love, sex & marriage. I thought I knew what it was about - a stuffy, killjoy, fear-based message regarding something very special. I was more so influenced by secular culture than the teachings of my family’s religious tradition. Also, my parents’ marriage wasn’t working, so I knew I had to do things differently from them. I wonder how different my life would be now if I had been more explicitly informed about what the Bible teaches on this subject. I am grateful that I was not feared & shamed by 'purity culture'. That said, if I could go back & have on-going chats with my younger self, I would point out a few important things. I’d say: My dearest Jeannene, please hon, take a breather from 'Luke'! I know he means the world to you & I get how awesome love is – truly, I get it (I am you), but please hear me when I say: it is not healthy to put the majority of your love & attention toward another person. Luke is not your savior. Remember Jesus Christ? He is. I can just imagine my 'wide-eyed' reaction & so I'd continue telling myself: I know you think you two will get married, heck, you already feel married to Luke but you are not married, you are just acting married. There are crucial differences between acting & actually being married. Trust me, I am telling you this, not to hurt you but because I love you & want the best for you. As a Christian, God must be central in your life to make it possible for marriage, as God designed it, to come into your life. I would remind myself: it was like a potter, that God hand-made Adam & then from Adam, He made Eve. The first human relationship was one of marriage between Adam, Eve & God. In Mark chapter 10, Jesus responds to the question: "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife? in the following way:   Just as there are many stories throughout the Bible that do not go according to this passage of scripture, my romantic life certainly hasn't either. For years as a teen & young adult, it was a horribly confusing & painful ‘off & on again’ relationship with Luke. When we finally broke up for good, I really had to get over him, give up our foster child & move on; it was brutal. I fought tooth & nail my way out of depression with the help of Psychology, Tony Robbins & The Option Institute, where I eventually worked for two years. My life, already long derailed from Christianity by that point, became about choosing & pursuing happiness. I traveled & had boyfriends & wasn’t focused on marriage. I was most happy being loving & having fun. It didn’t occur to me that I was being sexually immoral. Breaking up was never easy but nothing hurt as much as my first love break-up. As the song goes, the first cut is the deepest. For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles. Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator – who is forever praised. Amen. Romans 1:21-25 Being loving kept sex sacred to me, as I’ve always known it is meant to be. The saying: "love is love" is true but love means different things to everyone so therefore, in my humble opinion, it's not enough for 'safer sex'. Requiring a commitment of marriage prior to sexual intimacy makes everything that much more upfront & clear. Looking back, I see that it was pretty much impossible for me to get the right help when I didn’t have a clue I was lost. A sure sign that I was out of alignment with my highest good, was when, at the peak of my life, I got sick with Lyme disease & didn’t recover despite proper medical treatment. I knew something was wrong but I didn’t know what. I searched wide & far for solutions. Ironically, one of things that helped me 'feel better' was engaging in relationships, yet now I see that by not following crucial, Christian principles of sexual morality, I was damaging myself. I've heard it said in a sermon that we don't really break God's commandments, we get broken on them. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18 For years, without knowing, I was causing myself to stumble & it has been like a large millstone were hung around my neck. If anyone causes one of these little ones – those who believe in me – to stumble, it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea. Mark 9:42 With the immoral behavior of elevating non-marital sexual relationships above God, I was acting just like the people of Israel (e.g. the story in Hosea), worshiping idols, cheating on God & thus grieving the Holy Spirit: And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Ephesians 4:30 The damage being done within me, was spiritual cause for my physical energy literally being 'cut off'. I got to the point of being unable to work & take care of myself. If your hand causes you to stumble, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into hell, where the fire never goes out. Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched. And if your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than to have two feet and be thrown into hell. Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched. And if your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell, where “’the worms that eat them do not die, and the fire is not quenched.’ Everyone will be salted with fire. Mark 9:42-49 I love the metaphor in scripture that refer to us as clay & God as the Potter (e.g. Isaiah 64:8). Consider life with all its ups & downs, as a kiln that solidifies our shape or identity. Most of us become rigid in our ways & about who we are within this fiery kiln of life. However, in Christ, we are 'new creations' (2 Cor. 5:17; Jeremiah 18:2-6) required to give up our own way (Mark 8:34) & become 'pliable' again (reborn) to our Maker. This is not an easy calling; it's like when Peter stepped out of the boat into the stormy sea while reaching for Jesus. (Matthew 14:22-33).  The Bible teaches Christ followers that we are salt (Matthew 5:23 & Mark 9:50) which means we are meant to preserve & purify. "...and every sacrifice will be seasoned with salt." Mark 9:49 (NKJV) It wasn't until 5 years ago or so that I was more consistently hearing from God about how to put Him back into my life. I still made sexually immoral mistakes as I was in this process of transformation with the Lord. During this time, passages in the Bible jumped out at me as so very real, it was eerie. God's word has helped my growth in Christ invaluably. These are just two of countless examples throughout scripture: This is my comfort in my affliction, that Thy word has revived me. Psalm 119:50 “Sing, barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband,” says the LORD. ... For your Maker is your husband – the LORD Almighty is his name – the Holy One of Israel in your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit – a wife who married young, only to be rejected,“ says your God. “For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back...." Isaiah 54:1, 5-7 Bringing Jesus out of the attic & 'back home' from out of the doghouse, has been a major, personal identity renovation project. Part of it involved rededicated myself to Jesus publicly by being baptized in September 2021 (I barely remember the first time I was baptized as a young teen). As well, I've become involved in various church activities.  Seymour River, North Vancouver, BC - September 2021 - Baptism with Pastor Joe from Highway Church & my friend Kathy. In giving up to God my sexuality, as the last vestige of myself I was holding fast, I know I might not get to experience sex in the way God designed. I may have ruined my chances for that but I am pleased to say that even if this is the case, I'd much rather live with that consequence then carry on as I was. I have suffered enough, I am done with sin: Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because whoever suffers in the body is done with sin. 1 Peter 4:1 Lord, thank you for making your will so clear to me now: It is God’s will that you be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality. That each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God. Thank you Heavenly Father for rescuing me out of slavery to sin: I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me... Exodus 20:2-3 Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey – whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? Romans 6:16 Thank you Lord for helping me be content exactly where I am at; as I am when you called me back to you. And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life. Don’t think I’m being harder on you than on the others. I give the same counsel in all the churches. 1 Corinthians 7:17 (The Message). Through the sanctification process, God has been renewing my thinking regarding sexual relationships. I used to be trapped believing compatibility needs to be 'tested out' prior to marriage. It is not surprising though that in reality, no two people are forever compatible. The best two people can do is commit themselves to the Lord first & foremost, as well as to prayer & working out conflicts when possible. Furthermore, the Bible teaches Christians to put a lot of trust in each other: The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 1 Corinthians 7:4 The husband takes on a leadership role within the marriage in love & service just as Christ did: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ love the church and gave himself up for her.... Ephesians 5:25 The commitment of marriage is a high price to pay to those who are used to getting sexual intimacy seemingly 'for free'. I used to think of sexuality as my right, to do with as I please (within the confines of consent). Now however, I see that sex is way better understood as a gift from God given to strengthen bonds & make marriage more appealing. Sexual intimacy devoid of God-witnessed, mutual commitment is like a fire uncontained; it's missing an integral component for it’s full power to manifest safely.  For in Christ all the fullness of the deity lives in bodily form, and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority. Colossians 2:9-10 The book Song of Solomon makes it obvious that Biblical sexuality is not boring or outdated! It is a beautiful mystery emulating the union between Christ & the church. The Bible is a love story. It's God’s love letter to us; He's standing boldly against our rebellion & compassionately calling us back to Him. This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the church. Ephesians 5:32 Biblical sexual intimacy has all the ingredients necessary to ignite the most potent, transformative power in the universe. It is where two become one & one becomes three (for baby making & beyond).
 Feelings are a language way bigger than words. By "feelings" I mean emotions & sensations. They are condensed information packages like zip files. For me they contain not just personal content but also something of everything I care about, which God knows, is a lot! I am learning more about what it means to be a "feeler" for the Kingdom of God. I pray dear Lord for your burden that is light to help me do your will in discerning & deciphering important feelings & what to do with them, amen! It is interesting listening to stories of how people come to hear the Lord's calling & how He enriches lives & brings people through challenges. Listening to others' testimonies has helped me, as a Christian, feel less alone in what I have been through. Christianity is often not glamorous or easy. Many of us either come from or get into such difficulties at some point that we even question wanting to be immortal! Despite this, there are millions of brilliant Christian testimonies & many martyrs. This says a lot about the power of the living God! I agree with J. Warner Wallace, the American homicide detective & Christian apologist, who says: "I am not a Christian because it works for me, I am a Christian because it is true." As Christians, we give up to God our temporary, carnal (worldly) lives for eternal life with Christ: Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it. Matthew 10:39 (NIV) I have been feeling called to share my testimony for quite some time & have realized I need to break it down into short stories so as to capture adequate detail. This blog is about the time in my life, not long ago that culminated in re-dedicating my life to the Lord. After many years of me/cfs illness & trying numerous things to improve my health without success, including crying out to God in prayer countless times, in 2020 I sought energy healing. I won't go into details about how those specific sessions were for me but I'll mention a few points about taking an online class taught by the energy healer.  This course was for learning metaphysical strategies to improve my energy, in other words, "new age" practices. There are those who believe that some of the origins of new age teachings come from Christianity, but with the authority of Jesus Christ removed, they are dangerous, blasphemous, idolatry. At that time, I was a Christian but on the periphery of new age for years, however, I was never really sold on it. Participating in the class with the energy healer felt intriguing but also intimidating. I had entered an arena that felt foreign to me. I was like a pet rabbit in a jungle! They were checking me out in a deep & undisclosed way, which was not comfortable for my highly sensitive, introverted self who just wants to be healthy, engage harmoniously with others & have a pleasant life. Also, I could feel more clearly than usual how everyone's morality is unique. It is good that I came to know these things in such a tangible way because before this, I could be naive & too trusting of others. However, being introverted & reserved has been one form of protection against that. Around this time, I realized how important adhering to the ten commandments is for communities. As common sense as they are to me, many other people live by totally different moral laws or none at all. In the late Spring of 2020, the energy healer-teacher invited me to a 'purification' or sweat lodge, that he was leading. There was four other participants, one 'watchman' & I brought a friend along. It is impossible to put such a densely packed felt experience into words but I will do my best. May this message be pleasing to the Lord & helpful for the Kingdom of God. Before beginning 'the sweat', I was concerned the heat inside the lodge was going to be unbearable, like the heat inside a car on a hot day, a suffocating heat, but it was not like that at all. The most striking aspect of the experience was the profound, unspeakable beauty.  Beauty I felt. Beauty that drenched me in a tender, misty-liquid-light type of love that emanated from the fire that was inside the rocks that lay burning in the middle of the lodge. Holy Spirit filled the dome-shaped log structure we were gathered in. There was nothing scary about this experience, yet I also felt vulnerable & an appropriate 'fear of the Lord' in there. His shear power, sacredness & deserving of respect, commanded such reverence. If there were any unholy spirits around, they didn't stay long! The blissful, comforting, healing warmth of Holy Spirit relaxed my body that so often feels pain. Plus, there was just the right amount of coolness in the air coming up from the earth that we were seated upon. My mind felt peacefully calm & clear as I breathed in the delicately rich scent of cedar. We each prayed & also sang Amazing Grace together.  "Tri-Infinity Eagle Lodge" - this is the art I made after participating in the June 202o purification lodge. Those embryo-like looking things in the middle are the 6 souls in the lodge as the black grandfather rocks burned, glowing orange at the center in between us. The misty-liquid-light of the Holy Spirit fills the air & Eagle Watchman stands nearby with open wings of protection, amen & praise the Lord! This event was a mixture of Indigenous culture, Christianity & new age healing. What the ... (insert 'mind blown' emoji)? I would have liked to of had more prior understanding about the tradition of the purification lodge & 1:1 debriefing time with the energy healer. I was told later by one of the elders that the purification lodge is similar to going to church for Indigenous people. Well it was quite the service, phew! I am grateful I was able to feel the healing, power & beauty of the Holy Spirit during that experience. However, I will also add that there are things that happened during that chapter of my life that were unbearably painful & difficult to process on my own. It has taken me years to integrate & just now share little bits of it. I have not felt comfortable talking with anyone about these experiences in any depth & this isolation has weighed on me. I participated in the lodge when I was going through a time of extremely poor health as well as the pandemic. I would not have gone for energy healing if I had other options & wasn't at the end of my rope. I am curious about the other participants' experiences in the lodge; likely they are quite different from mine. This was not the first time I had been overwhelmed by the presence of the Holy Spirit. While it was blissful for me at this time, I know that the convicting power of Holy Spirit can also be very uncomfortable - even to the point of being confused as an evil presence. Scripture records several examples of the spirit of the Lord, immediately upon appearing to people, saying: "Do not be afraid" (Isaiah 41:10; Matthew 1:20; Luke 2:10; Acts 18:9).  "Wings of Wisdom" - I drew this eagle just after attending the purification lodge based upon the experience of what I felt. Psychology & new age spirituality teach about the importance of "shadow work" & integration for healing & personal development. Integrating the shadow is about seeing & accepting the "dark side" or hidden aspects of ourselves rather than remaining unaware or repressing them (often with guilt & shame). The energy healer told me that trying to heal by doing shadow work on ourselves is like trying to do our own dental work, ouch! Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod & Your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4 (NASB) The concept of "shadow work" comes from scripture. A central part of Christianity is being well-aware of the dark or evil, sin-nature of ourselves & of humanity in general. We also understand there are dark forces at work in this world. We are not affirming of evil, rather, we acknowledge that it is our biggest problem & it is precisely why believing in what Jesus has done for us is top priority & necessary for our salvific purification. Jesus is who He says He is & thus we need Him for ourselves to become whole & fully healed. And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Jesus takes each of us as we are - broken by our own & others' sin & He mends us up with His righteousness so that we can stand before the holiness of God & survive His consuming fire (see Deuteronomy 4:24 & Hebrews 12:29). Furthermore, we are not to perform 'dental work' on our own teeth or trust just anyone with our shadow work - Holy Spirit takes care of this through conviction, baptism by fire & sanctification.  In this world, we face evil that is in the open light of day & that which is hidden in the darkness of night. There is good & evil intertwined in everything except God who is all good (see Mark 10:18). For example, how is it not more widely considered evil that much of the money being invested & exchanged world-wide involves sin (e.g. exploitation, greed, over-consumption, gluttony, corruption, dishonoring God's resources & creation etc...)? As Christians, how can we improve upon an economic system that has sin built into it? How is the economy changing as God's Kingdom comes & His will is being done on earth as it is in heaven? While I was in the new age online class, even though I felt like a defenseless rabbit in a jungle, that was not the truth. In fact, I was & am a lion (or lioness) because of who lives in me. In surrendering my sin & weaknesses to Christ, I am made strong through Him. It is still not easy being a feeler though! I adapt with a slow pace of life because feelings are heavy & can be deceiving & they take time to process. I am learning to not go to either extreme of over-focusing on details & feeling too much of one specific thing or zooming out in a huge way & feeling diffuse exhaustion. We all need God's help to see & understand more, like how both evil (the weeds) & good (the wheat) are to "grow together" until such time: Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn. Matthew 13:30 (NIV) A few years after the purification lodge ceremony, I heard from the energy healer that as a child, he accepted Christ as his personal Lord & savior but sometime later, he got into metaphysical studies to make sense of his psychic abilities. I believe those abilities are spiritual gifts from the Lord but he was told they are sinful which had him turn to other ways of getting help. As Christians, we need to be there for each in support of developing our spiritual gifts rather than fearing & shunning them. I believe God allows Christians to go 'undercover' as sort of a type of 'missionary' into new age or other communities. All missionary work is risky but this type is especially so because, as I say it tends to be 'undercover' in that to some degree we might even have to forget certain aspects of who we are in Christ or who Christ is in order to reach people & learn about Him in new ways. It might take someone who can feel Christ to be a reminder that He is within & wants us back exclusively now! By God's grace, we do turn back & can then share our stories of warning & walking each other home to Christ. Other than the main concern of idolatry, the caution I offer is that the new age can be like any other business & the people who come to it seeking help are often in an especially vulnerable place. It is a way of selling things that make people want & even need more of whatever is being sold. This is how most businesses work in our economy - selling salt water to people dying of thirst. Some people feel this is also how religion & church are but this has not been my experience. The first & most important commandment of Christianity is to love God with all our heart, soul & mind, which, thank God, doesn't have to cost any money. When we love God this way, He is our Shepherd & fills us up with 'living water' which makes us less needy of the endless array of empty promises being sold in the world. There are numerous Bible verses that tell us we are all called to Christ, for example: "...at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Philippians 2:10-11 (NIV) & yet, I have come to see that there so are many unique paths to Christ. Furthermore, I have come to appreciate that the new age is a way for people who don't accept Christianity to understand more about the darkness of this world so as to try to wield it rather than be wielded by it. Sadly, many new-agers get hurt & further from Christ but there are also those who find the truth, the way & the life in Jesus Christ through the new age. I pray that all those in the new age come to know & submit to Christ sooner rather than later so that the least harm is done, amen! When I was drowning in health problems, just praying, even sincerely lamenting on my own, was not enough. To stay afloat while treading water in a storm, I needed practical, tangible help. I needed (& still need) my family very close by, which meant I had to admit where I was at (gulp) & ask them to swoop in & help me & they do so much! I need church on an on-going basis. I need frequent worship & prayer with other believers. The Holy Spirit & word of God continue doing sacred & expertly careful work transforming & assisting me to do the things I have mentioned that are out of my character, as well as sharing this testimony! Praise be to God, amen.   I created this image to express how I often feel living with ME/CFS. The magnificent thing about our "boats" (ourselves) is that, far more than actual boats do, we have a huge effect on the world around us! Our presence - bringing GOD into the world around us, changes the world. Lord, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven, thank you & amen. Dear Holy Father,
We come humbly before you, each of us carrying some degree of weariness & burden. Our natural inclination is to fight & try harder, tiring ourselves out even more. Your word says you give us rest. Please teach us Lord, how to receive the peace, comfort & healing of resting in you. I invite us now to first just take notice & ask: is there a way I can position myself so that I am a little bit more comfortable? Maybe just a slight shift of my hip, or lean back or forward or can I choose to let go of holding certain muscles tightly? ... Ahhh, that is a little better already! And now, let us appreciate the blessing of the Lord’s ever-present breath in our lungs! Living with chronic pain, can make it difficult to appreciate our bodies, especially the parts that really hurt. It seems as if our body is letting us down or has even turned against us. Lord, you teach us in 1 Corinthians 6:19 that our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit you have given us. Our body is not a tool or our slave. Please help us take time each day, especially on the worst feeling days, to rest easy in appreciation of & through your love & strength. Let’s start with our feet. Please bring your attention to your feet. Are they feeling cold or warm? Tense or relaxed? Can you feel your toes? Can you feel the bones in your feet? When we pay attention like this to our bodies, it is like standing at the doorway to the temple of the Holy Spirit within! Thank you feet; you do so much for me! Now, imagine Jesus near you. How does He look? Where is He in relation to you? If you feel pain in your feet or at a different place of your body, show this to Jesus & see what he does or says. Moving on now to our legs. Give your attention to the bones & muscles around your knees ... & your hips. Can you shift your focus to the skin on your legs & notice a difference? Are there areas of your legs that feel good, maybe soft or tingly or even just ok? We will move on now to our back, neck & shoulders. These areas often feel sore from tension, stress & injuries. Let’s take a moment to notice whatever we notice here. Gently move your head from side to side, if you wish. Thank you God for my spine & all the muscles doing the best they can to keep me mobile & functional. Now, imagine yourself in a large, comfortable chair cuddled up with Jesus right next to you. Whatever part of your body that troubles you most, including any part I have not mentioned yet, bring it to Jesus & see what He says or does. How does it feel if Jesus touches or holds this part of you? We are coming to the end of this guided relaxation journey. Please take a few moments to wiggle your toes & fingers. As you notice your chest & belly moving with your breath, thank Jesus for His presence & tell Him you will see Him again soon! When you are ready to open your eyes, please do so & if you wish, take a moment to write down one or two words, insights or prayers you’ve had. If you’d like to share about your experience, please do so in the comments. Thank you for your participation.  This unanswered question posed by God in Jonah 4:11 is the final verse in this unique story of such rich & great depth. The book of Johan in the Bible is about a prophet who attempts to avoid God's command to warn the Nenevites that their evil ways have caught up with them. Rather than going into enemy territory to sound the alarm, Jonah takes an unsuccessful sabbatical from God's service. He gets tossed overboard a ship into the stormy sea & then is miraculously 'rescued' from drowning by being swallowed by a sea creature. Jonah spends three days inside the belly of the beast! For the whole of chapter two, Jonah prays sincerely; crying out to God from 'the depth of Sheol' (NASB) or 'from deep in the realm of the dead' (NIV). Jonah describes rock bottom viscerally & quite relatably to those who've been there. He also expresses his awakening - a changed heart & renewed vow: But I will sacrifice to Thee Even though Jonah doesn't repent for trying to ditch God's instruction, God makes the great fish vomit him back to life upon dry land for another chance. This seems symbolic of baptism & being born again. I guess God knew that Jonah's willingness to obey this time around was in fact the best any Hebrew of that day could do for the wicked & terrorizing people of Neneveh. Renewing his vow to the Lord strengthens Jonah to deliver the most successful prophesy of the old testament - everyone in Neneveh (even the animals) take him seriously & call on God in repentance. Jonah's anger (to the point of wanting to die) over God's relent, clearly shows Jonah's human nature. In contrast, eight hundred or so years later, Jesus, the son of God (God in human form), refers to the 'sign of Jonah' as an astute illustration that 'now something greater than Jonah is here'! Praise the Lord for all those who hear & believe :) Matthew 12:38 Then some of the Pharisees and teachers of the law said to him, “Teacher, we want to see a sign from you.”39 He answered, “A wicked and adulterous generation asks for a sign! But none will be given it except the sign of the prophet Jonah. 40 For as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of a huge fish, so the Son of Man will be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth. 41 The men of Nineveh will stand up at the judgment with this generation and condemn it; for they repented at the preaching of Jonah, and now something greater than Jonah is here. For what was asked of him, Jonah's anger is understandable but so quickly he forgot that God's compassion upon the Nenevites doesn't mean everything will be sunshine & roses for them. Just as Jonah had to endure his own 'day of the Lord' in the belly of a fish & he still wasn't 'off the hook' regarding God's plan, so it is for everyone: "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows." Galatians 6:7 It's just as Tim Mackie says: "God is not out to destroy us. He's out to show us that we're going the wrong way so that we can turn & find grace & new life. God's judgment is a good thing; it's an expression of His love. It's aimed at restoring people to relationship with Himself." God's judgment brings justice but it certainly & often doesn't seem fair or right or fun for us. Could it be that 'justice is as justice does' but is not as it appears? We learn from the book of Job that when it doesn't look as though justice is being served, we are to trust God anyway; He is working everything out 'just so' in His infinite wisdom & ways. When we consider all the moving parts, it's no wonder things are as they are. Jonah's well-heeded proclamation to the Nenevites was a hint toward the blessing of Jesus to come to all nations, including to those who are not God's chosen Jewish, Israelites. As I mentioned in my previous blog, Christian salvation is unique in that it is not about what we do as much as it's about what God has done for us. Christianity & going to heaven do not come about by 'being a good person' as many seem to think. We can not 'good' our way back to God as we were before 'the fall' because sin keeps us 'spiritually dead' to our Creator. Being or doing good doesn't cover up, cleanse or remove our sin. Only Jesus' death on the cross accomplished this & before Christ, people such as the Nenevites were saved by their faith in God & made righteous unto Him through repentance. No one is without wrongdoing except for Christ. Thank you God for giving us 'that which is greater than Jonah'. For it is through Jesus that we are reconciled to: "Our Father in heaven,  The shortest book of the old testament, Obadiah, conveys an important message: do not take advantage of those who are in distress. Although this seems pretty obvious, we undoubtedly need reminding to oppose the 'dog eat dog' survivalist mindset that intensifies at times. Obadiah 1:15 is like the backdrop of the 'golden rule', expressed in numerous ways throughout the Bible, for example, when Jesus says "Love your neighbor as yourself." (Mark 12:31) While the sentiment of the golden rule is shared in many philosophies & religions (see: https://www.goldenruleproject.org/formulations), salvation is unique to Christianity. God's reach down to us on earth through His son, for our redemption, is unlike anything else. Blessed we are, amen. 3"The arrogance of your heart has de- Who will bring me down to earth? The Lord, God if I am receptive to His Spirit. "Do not enter the gate of My people What we do to our neighbors, the earth & our enemies, we do to ourselves. Thank you Lord for the heads up & for helping us get this truth! Amen.
 This is a photo I took in my community of the beautiful, July full moon. Before being called by God to prophesy, Amos was a herdsmen & farmer. He became like the light of this full moon, shining God's warning & wisdom upon his neighbors who were caught up in corruption & spiritual darkness. There are numerous examples through out the old testament showing us what Acts 10:34 tells us: among the wayward & unrepentant, God doesn't show favoritism. His Holiness brings justice upon everyone. His 'chosen' people, Israel, are certainly no exception. Yet, He is patient & gives lots of chances for people to make changes by seeking & returning to Him. It is our choice to heed His messages (scripture) or to not. Whom of those who've read, can honestly deny His ROAR!? Therefore, thus I will do to you, O Israel; Because I shall do this to you, Prepare to meet your God, O Israel. Amos 4:12 God's instruction to His people is not convoluted. It seems to me as straightforward as looking both ways before crossing the street ... so that we may live. For thus says the Lord to the house of Israel, "Seek Me that you may live." Amos 5:4 But even with this simple instruction, I sometimes wonder, what hope do we have here? Given that long ago, while in union with God in the Garden of Eden, we turned away from having all our needs met, unto sin! From this act of rebellion, we fell into conflict & layers of impossibility; obstacles within obstacles. Such is the day of the Lord: Alas, you who are longing for the day of the Lord, for what purpose will the day of the Lord be to you? It will be darkness and not light; As when a man flees from a lion, and a bear meets him, or goes home, leans his hand against the wall, and a snake bites him. Amos 5:18-19 The hardships of life on earth surrounded by spiritual death can lead us back to the Lord if we open ourselves to this possibility. The hope we have comes from following Jesus, who takes all judgement of others out of us because everyone is equally in need of His salvation. I pray for God's justice to keep working its way through each of us unto others & this land, amen. But let justice roll down like waters and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream. Amos 5:24 Justice comes through sharing God's word, which I like to do, hopefully so, in ways that inspire curiosity & awe ('The Spirit') rather than repulsion. As we know from 1 Cor. 2:14 "The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness..." Thank you God for ending my famine for hearing your words. I praise you for filling, healing & strengthening me with the Holy Scripture. I do not take for granted that the Bible is freely available to me. I pray that all who are in need, waiting & searching, many who know not for what they seek, will find you dear Lord Jesus, hearing & heeding your word, amen. "Behold days are coming," declares the Lord God, "When I will send a famine on the land, not a famine for bread or a thirst for water, but rather for hearing the words of the Lord. Amos 8:11 |
