 In the beginning, God laid the foundation of the earth (Genesis 1:1; Psalm 102:25). The old testament details God's creation of the natural world, human life & morality. While Jesus, the Word, comes in the flesh (John 1:14) long after creation began, He has always been (John 1:1-3; John 8:58; Hebrews 13:8). He is described as the 'chief cornerstone' in Isaiah (28:16) & Proverbs (18:10) tells us that the NAME of the LORD is 'a strong tower'.  In the passage Luke 14:25-35, Jesus teaches His followers what He later demonstrates on the cross, that the next major step in the completion of God's foundation, costs everything. While dying on the cross, when Jesus says: "It is finished" (John 19:30) this means the fulfillment of God's law is compete. By giving His life, He made all of humankind redeemable; whosoever chooses to be. Only by first choosing Jesus, is it remotely possible for us to follow Him because according to Luke 14, doing so means giving up close relationships, our possessions & our own lives (26-27 & 33). We need His strength to be able to do this.  There are so many connections & passages in the Bible about God's foundation (Ezra 3:11; Zechariah 8:9; Luke 6:47-49; 2 Timothy 2:19). The verses: 1 Corinthians 3:10-15 cautions us to take much care when 'building upon' it, in other words, sharing it with others, through scripture & in actions, for example. It's an enormous responsibility that God tests by fire for all the world to see.  Jesus tells us, in no easy words, in the second half of Luke 14, what is needed to follow Him in this fallen world. These 'terms of peace' were established through His crucifixion & resurrection. The battle against sin & death could not have been won without Him. While on earth, Christians must still resist 'the evil one' & we do so by following Jesus' commands from within His robe of righteousness (Isaiah 61:10), peace (John 14:27) & armor of God (Eph. 6:11-18).  Chapter 14 of Luke, has me questioning, are even the majority of Christians actually following the commands from Jesus in Luke 14? How often do we invite the poor & those with disabilities to banquets in our home or at church & "compel them to come in" (Luke 14:13 & 23)?  Furthermore, how do we show God that we 'miseó' (hate, as in prefer less) our families compared to Him (Luke 14:26)? Numerous people in other parts of the world are ostracized by their family for loving Christ & many have been & are being killed, for believing in Him. This is what: 'carry your cross' means. Jesus makes it clear what is expected, not for salvation but for discipleship & yes, it's a lot. Can we do it? Only by His power & not perfectly, of course! Oh Lord, please help all Christians who struggle to do your will, to do your will, in Jesus name, amen. Can you imagine how life on earth will be when all Christians take Jesus seriously? And when 'every knee will bow...' (Php. 2:10 NASB), the last will be first & the first, last (Matt. 19:30 & 20:16; Mark 10:31; Luke 13:30). People who are used to being poor can become immensely empowered with even a little bit more than they are used to. Whereas, it will be hard-going for those who are used to living in excess. Most importantly though, as described in the time of Acts, people were of 'one heart & soul' without any person in need! These are the 'terms of peace' Christ died for: His kingdom come, His will be done, on earth as it is in heaven, amen!   This wild tree next door makes me think of how I was. Surely producing fruit, so much so that the quality wasn't right, mostly inedible actually. Suitable only to the birds during winter months. Thus, my work did not pass God's test of flames. I've suffered much loss, yet thankfully, I have been spared. This tree that is me has been undergoing the Lord's hefty pruning & this has not been a comfortable process for me, to say the least. Even still, I am more than pleased to remain in Him (John 15:5), as His disciple, so that I can bear much healthier fruit.  He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. John 15:2 1 John 4:8 says that God is love. From reading Scripture, I understand that while God's love is unconditional, it certainly doesn't always feel good! He gives us the choice of salvation & the many expectations of discipleship. These are the 'keys of the kingdom' (Matthew 16:19), I think. What of the church needs to be pruned & what of Jesus' expectations needs to be better fulfilled by us, the body of Christ? 
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 I was around 5 years old, sitting at one of many round tables, in a church gymnasium that my granny Joyce brought me to. I remember hearing the gospel & following along the prayer of welcoming Jesus into my heart. It seemed an obvious thing to do – eternal love, protection & forgiveness - a no-brainer, really! Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it. Mark 10:15 While growing up, I went to Sunday school & Bible camp with my cousins in the summers. I felt especially connected with God during nature walks on my own & while singing in chapel. As I got older, youth group & church camps gradually became more about boys & pretending not to care about catty, cliquey girl fights, than it was about God. At a Christian music concert, I remember taking a 'pledge of purity' when I was 12 or 13. The speaker explained that sexual activity with another person is like gluing two pieces of paper together. The pages won't come apart without some damage. Later in my teen years, I developed significant concerns about Christianity that remained unsettled for many years. I couldn’t make sense of it being ‘the only true religion’. Now I understand that Jesus is the only way to the Father (John 14:6) & eternal life (John 17:3). Another area of confusion I had back then was about things in scripture that are outdated & no longer apply. For example, it is now understood that the masculine pronoun was used to refer to humankind not just to men. Topics about things such as slavery, sexuality & marriage, I thought were similarly 'old-fashioned'. I didn’t investigate much further or ask anyone to clarify though. While I didn’t outright give up on Christianity, I mostly set it aside & let other things take priority.   Namely, my first boyfriend ('Luke'), became my everything. Compared to Luke, who filled my life with fun & purpose, it was as if I had moved Jesus into the doghouse or stuffed Him away in a box labeled keepsakes stored in the attic. I eagerly gave Luke the spot in my life that God is supposed to have. Jesus tells His followers that we are to love God with all that we’ve got! I am not sure even now what this means or looks like but I know I wasn’t doing it! How exactly are we supposed to do this along side working full-time, having relationships & hobbies etc...?  It's a good thing that young people nowadays are taught about consent. What stands out to me about this acronym FRIES is the word: 'Informed'. In order to make wise decisions, we need to be informed! I definitely wasn’t fully informed. Even though I had some general Biblical teaching & Christian influence in my life, I was far from having a proper Biblical perspective on love, sex & marriage. I thought I knew what it was about - a stuffy, killjoy, fear-based message regarding something very special. I was more so influenced by secular culture than the teachings of my family’s religious tradition. Also, my parents’ marriage wasn’t working, so I knew I had to do things differently from them. I wonder how different my life would be now if I had been more explicitly informed about what the Bible teaches on this subject. I am grateful that I was not feared & shamed by 'purity culture'. That said, if I could go back & have on-going chats with my younger self, I would point out a few important things. I’d say: My dearest Jeannene, please hon, take a breather from 'Luke'! I know he means the world to you & I get how awesome love is – truly, I get it (I am you), but please hear me when I say: it is not healthy to put the majority of your love & attention toward another person. Luke is not your savior. Remember Jesus Christ? He is. I can just imagine my 'wide-eyed' reaction & so I'd continue telling myself: I know you think you two will get married, heck, you already feel married to Luke but you are not married, you are just acting married. There are crucial differences between acting & actually being married. Trust me, I am telling you this, not to hurt you but because I love you & want the best for you. As a Christian, God must be central in your life to make it possible for marriage, as God designed it, to come into your life. I would remind myself: it was like a potter, that God hand-made Adam & then from Adam, He made Eve. The first human relationship was one of marriage between Adam, Eve & God. In Mark chapter 10, Jesus responds to the question: "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife? in the following way:   Just as there are many stories throughout the Bible that do not go according to this passage of scripture, my romantic life certainly hasn't either. For years as a teen & young adult, it was a horribly confusing & painful ‘off & on again’ relationship with Luke. When we finally broke up for good, I really had to get over him, give up our foster child & move on; it was brutal. I fought tooth & nail my way out of depression with the help of Psychology, Tony Robbins & The Option Institute, where I eventually worked for two years. My life, already long derailed from Christianity by that point, became about choosing & pursuing happiness. I traveled & had boyfriends & wasn’t focused on marriage. I was most happy being loving & having fun. It didn’t occur to me that I was being sexually immoral. Breaking up was never easy but nothing hurt as much as my first love break-up. As the song goes, the first cut is the deepest. For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles. Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator – who is forever praised. Amen. Romans 1:21-25 Being loving kept sex sacred to me, as I’ve always known it is meant to be. The saying: "love is love" is true but love means different things to everyone so therefore, in my humble opinion, it's not enough for 'safer sex'. Requiring a commitment of marriage prior to sexual intimacy makes everything that much more upfront & clear. Looking back, I see that it was pretty much impossible for me to get the right help when I didn’t have a clue I was lost. A sure sign that I was out of alignment with my highest good, was when, at the peak of my life, I got sick with Lyme disease & didn’t recover despite proper medical treatment. I knew something was wrong but I didn’t know what. I searched wide & far for solutions. Ironically, one of things that helped me 'feel better' was engaging in relationships, yet now I see that by not following crucial, Christian principles of sexual morality, I was damaging myself. I've heard it said in a sermon that we don't really break God's commandments, we get broken on them. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18 For years, without knowing, I was causing myself to stumble & it has been like a large millstone were hung around my neck. If anyone causes one of these little ones – those who believe in me – to stumble, it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea. Mark 9:42 With the immoral behavior of elevating non-marital sexual relationships above God, I was acting just like the people of Israel (e.g. the story in Hosea), worshiping idols, cheating on God & thus grieving the Holy Spirit: And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Ephesians 4:30 The damage being done within me, was spiritual cause for my physical energy literally being 'cut off'. I got to the point of being unable to work & take care of myself. If your hand causes you to stumble, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into hell, where the fire never goes out. Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched. And if your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than to have two feet and be thrown into hell. Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched. And if your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell, where “’the worms that eat them do not die, and the fire is not quenched.’ Everyone will be salted with fire. Mark 9:42-49 I love the metaphor in scripture that refer to us as clay & God as the Potter (e.g. Isaiah 64:8). Consider life with all its ups & downs, as a kiln that solidifies our shape or identity. Most of us become rigid in our ways & about who we are within this fiery kiln of life. However, in Christ, we are 'new creations' (2 Cor. 5:17; Jeremiah 18:2-6) required to give up our own way (Mark 8:34) & become 'pliable' again (reborn) to our Maker. This is not an easy calling; it's like when Peter stepped out of the boat into the stormy sea while reaching for Jesus. (Matthew 14:22-33).  The Bible teaches Christ followers that we are salt (Matthew 5:23 & Mark 9:50) which means we are meant to preserve & purify. "...and every sacrifice will be seasoned with salt." Mark 9:49 (NKJV) It wasn't until 5 years ago or so that I was more consistently hearing from God about how to put Him back into my life. I still made sexually immoral mistakes as I was in this process of transformation with the Lord. During this time, passages in the Bible jumped out at me as so very real, it was eerie. God's word has helped my growth in Christ invaluably. These are just two of countless examples throughout scripture: This is my comfort in my affliction, that Thy word has revived me. Psalm 119:50 “Sing, barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband,” says the LORD. ... For your Maker is your husband – the LORD Almighty is his name – the Holy One of Israel in your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit – a wife who married young, only to be rejected,“ says your God. “For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back...." Isaiah 54:1, 5-7 Bringing Jesus out of the attic & 'back home' from out of the doghouse, has been a major, personal identity renovation project. Part of it involved rededicated myself to Jesus publicly by being baptized in September 2021 (I barely remember the first time I was baptized as a young teen). As well, I've become involved in various church activities.  Seymour River, North Vancouver, BC - September 2021 - Baptism with Pastor Joe from Highway Church & my friend Kathy. In giving up to God my sexuality, as the last vestige of myself I was holding fast, I know I might not get to experience sex in the way God designed. I may have ruined my chances for that but I am pleased to say that even if this is the case, I'd much rather live with that consequence then carry on as I was. I have suffered enough, I am done with sin: Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because whoever suffers in the body is done with sin. 1 Peter 4:1 Lord, thank you for making your will so clear to me now: It is God’s will that you be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality. That each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God. Thank you Heavenly Father for rescuing me out of slavery to sin: I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me... Exodus 20:2-3 Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey – whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? Romans 6:16 Thank you Lord for helping me be content exactly where I am at; as I am when you called me back to you. And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life. Don’t think I’m being harder on you than on the others. I give the same counsel in all the churches. 1 Corinthians 7:17 (The Message). Through the sanctification process, God has been renewing my thinking regarding sexual relationships. I used to be trapped believing compatibility needs to be 'tested out' prior to marriage. It is not surprising though that in reality, no two people are forever compatible. The best two people can do is commit themselves to the Lord first & foremost, as well as to prayer & working out conflicts when possible. Furthermore, the Bible teaches Christians to put a lot of trust in each other: The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 1 Corinthians 7:4 The husband takes on a leadership role within the marriage in love & service just as Christ did: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ love the church and gave himself up for her.... Ephesians 5:25 The commitment of marriage is a high price to pay to those who are used to getting sexual intimacy seemingly 'for free'. I used to think of sexuality as my right, to do with as I please (within the confines of consent). Now however, I see that sex is way better understood as a gift from God given to strengthen bonds & make marriage more appealing. Sexual intimacy devoid of God-witnessed, mutual commitment is like a fire uncontained; it's missing an integral component for it’s full power to manifest safely.  For in Christ all the fullness of the deity lives in bodily form, and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority. Colossians 2:9-10 The book Song of Solomon makes it obvious that Biblical sexuality is not boring or outdated! It is a beautiful mystery emulating the union between Christ & the church. The Bible is a love story. It's God’s love letter to us; He's standing boldly against our rebellion & compassionately calling us back to Him. This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the church. Ephesians 5:32 Biblical sexual intimacy has all the ingredients necessary to ignite the most potent, transformative power in the universe. It is where two become one & one becomes three (for baby making & beyond).
 Feelings are a language way bigger than words. By "feelings" I mean emotions & sensations. They are condensed information packages like zip files. For me they contain not just personal content but also something of everything I care about, which God knows, is a lot! I am learning more about what it means to be a "feeler" for the Kingdom of God. I pray dear Lord for your burden that is light to help me do your will in discerning & deciphering important feelings & what to do with them, amen! It is interesting listening to stories of how people come to hear the Lord's calling & how He enriches lives & brings people through challenges. Listening to others' testimonies has helped me, as a Christian, feel less alone in what I have been through. Christianity is often not glamorous or easy. Many of us either come from or get into such difficulties at some point that we even question wanting to be immortal! Despite this, there are millions of brilliant Christian testimonies & many martyrs. This says a lot about the power of the living God! I agree with J. Warner Wallace, the American homicide detective & Christian apologist, who says: "I am not a Christian because it works for me, I am a Christian because it is true." As Christians, we give up to God our temporary, carnal (worldly) lives for eternal life with Christ: Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it. Matthew 10:39 (NIV) I have been feeling called to share my testimony for quite some time & have realized I need to break it down into short stories so as to capture adequate detail. This blog is about the time in my life, not long ago that culminated in re-dedicating my life to the Lord. After many years of me/cfs illness & trying numerous things to improve my health without success, including crying out to God in prayer countless times, in 2020 I sought energy healing. I won't go into details about how those specific sessions were for me but I'll mention a few points about taking an online class taught by the energy healer.  This course was for learning metaphysical strategies to improve my energy, in other words, "new age" practices. There are those who believe that some of the origins of new age teachings come from Christianity, but with the authority of Jesus Christ removed, they are dangerous, blasphemous, idolatry. At that time, I was a Christian but on the periphery of new age for years, however, I was never really sold on it. Participating in the class with the energy healer felt intriguing but also intimidating. I had entered an arena that felt foreign to me. I was like a pet rabbit in a jungle! They were checking me out in a deep & undisclosed way, which was not comfortable for my highly sensitive, introverted self who just wants to be healthy, engage harmoniously with others & have a pleasant life. Also, I could feel more clearly than usual how everyone's morality is unique. It is good that I came to know these things in such a tangible way because before this, I could be naive & too trusting of others. However, being introverted & reserved has been one form of protection against that. Around this time, I realized how important adhering to the ten commandments is for communities. As common sense as they are to me, many other people live by totally different moral laws or none at all. In the late Spring of 2020, the energy healer-teacher invited me to a 'purification' or sweat lodge, that he was leading. There was four other participants, one 'watchman' & I brought a friend along. It is impossible to put such a densely packed felt experience into words but I will do my best. May this message be pleasing to the Lord & helpful for the Kingdom of God. Before beginning 'the sweat', I was concerned the heat inside the lodge was going to be unbearable, like the heat inside a car on a hot day, a suffocating heat, but it was not like that at all. The most striking aspect of the experience was the profound, unspeakable beauty.  Beauty I felt. Beauty that drenched me in a tender, misty-liquid-light type of love that emanated from the fire that was inside the rocks that lay burning in the middle of the lodge. Holy Spirit filled the dome-shaped log structure we were gathered in. There was nothing scary about this experience, yet I also felt vulnerable & an appropriate 'fear of the Lord' in there. His shear power, sacredness & deserving of respect, commanded such reverence. If there were any unholy spirits around, they didn't stay long! The blissful, comforting, healing warmth of Holy Spirit relaxed my body that so often feels pain. Plus, there was just the right amount of coolness in the air coming up from the earth that we were seated upon. My mind felt peacefully calm & clear as I breathed in the delicately rich scent of cedar. We each prayed & also sang Amazing Grace together.  "Tri-Infinity Eagle Lodge" - this is the art I made after participating in the June 202o purification lodge. Those embryo-like looking things in the middle are the 6 souls in the lodge as the black grandfather rocks burned, glowing orange at the center in between us. The misty-liquid-light of the Holy Spirit fills the air & Eagle Watchman stands nearby with open wings of protection, amen & praise the Lord! This event was a mixture of Indigenous culture, Christianity & new age healing. What the ... (insert 'mind blown' emoji)? I would have liked to of had more prior understanding about the tradition of the purification lodge & 1:1 debriefing time with the energy healer. I was told later by one of the elders that the purification lodge is similar to going to church for Indigenous people. Well it was quite the service, phew! I am grateful I was able to feel the healing, power & beauty of the Holy Spirit during that experience. However, I will also add that there are things that happened during that chapter of my life that were unbearably painful & difficult to process on my own. It has taken me years to integrate & just now share little bits of it. I have not felt comfortable talking with anyone about these experiences in any depth & this isolation has weighed on me. I participated in the lodge when I was going through a time of extremely poor health as well as the pandemic. I would not have gone for energy healing if I had other options & wasn't at the end of my rope. I am curious about the other participants' experiences in the lodge; likely they are quite different from mine. This was not the first time I had been overwhelmed by the presence of the Holy Spirit. While it was blissful for me at this time, I know that the convicting power of Holy Spirit can also be very uncomfortable - even to the point of being confused as an evil presence. Scripture records several examples of the spirit of the Lord, immediately upon appearing to people, saying: "Do not be afraid" (Isaiah 41:10; Matthew 1:20; Luke 2:10; Acts 18:9).  "Wings of Wisdom" - I drew this eagle just after attending the purification lodge based upon the experience of what I felt. Psychology & new age spirituality teach about the importance of "shadow work" & integration for healing & personal development. Integrating the shadow is about seeing & accepting the "dark side" or hidden aspects of ourselves rather than remaining unaware or repressing them (often with guilt & shame). The energy healer told me that trying to heal by doing shadow work on ourselves is like trying to do our own dental work, ouch! Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod & Your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4 (NASB) The concept of "shadow work" comes from scripture. A central part of Christianity is being well-aware of the dark or evil, sin-nature of ourselves & of humanity in general. We also understand there are dark forces at work in this world. We are not affirming of evil, rather, we acknowledge that it is our biggest problem & it is precisely why believing in what Jesus has done for us is top priority & necessary for our salvific purification. Jesus is who He says He is & thus we need Him for ourselves to become whole & fully healed. And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Jesus takes each of us as we are - broken by our own & others' sin & He mends us up with His righteousness so that we can stand before the holiness of God & survive His consuming fire (see Deuteronomy 4:24 & Hebrews 12:29). Furthermore, we are not to perform 'dental work' on our own teeth or trust just anyone with our shadow work - Holy Spirit takes care of this through conviction, baptism by fire & sanctification.  In this world, we face evil that is in the open light of day & that which is hidden in the darkness of night. There is good & evil intertwined in everything except God who is all good (see Mark 10:18). For example, how is it not more widely considered evil that much of the money being invested & exchanged world-wide involves sin (e.g. exploitation, greed, over-consumption, gluttony, corruption, dishonoring God's resources & creation etc...)? As Christians, how can we improve upon an economic system that has sin built into it? How is the economy changing as God's Kingdom comes & His will is being done on earth as it is in heaven? While I was in the new age online class, even though I felt like a defenseless rabbit in a jungle, that was not the truth. In fact, I was & am a lion (or lioness) because of who lives in me. In surrendering my sin & weaknesses to Christ, I am made strong through Him. It is still not easy being a feeler though! I adapt with a slow pace of life because feelings are heavy & can be deceiving & they take time to process. I am learning to not go to either extreme of over-focusing on details & feeling too much of one specific thing or zooming out in a huge way & feeling diffuse exhaustion. We all need God's help to see & understand more, like how both evil (the weeds) & good (the wheat) are to "grow together" until such time: Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn. Matthew 13:30 (NIV) A few years after the purification lodge ceremony, I heard from the energy healer that as a child, he accepted Christ as his personal Lord & savior but sometime later, he got into metaphysical studies to make sense of his psychic abilities. I believe those abilities are spiritual gifts from the Lord but he was told they are sinful which had him turn to other ways of getting help. As Christians, we need to be there for each in support of developing our spiritual gifts rather than fearing & shunning them. I believe God allows Christians to go 'undercover' as sort of a type of 'missionary' into new age or other communities. All missionary work is risky but this type is especially so because, as I say it tends to be 'undercover' in that to some degree we might even have to forget certain aspects of who we are in Christ or who Christ is in order to reach people & learn about Him in new ways. It might take someone who can feel Christ to be a reminder that He is within & wants us back exclusively now! By God's grace, we do turn back & can then share our stories of warning & walking each other home to Christ. Other than the main concern of idolatry, the caution I offer is that the new age can be like any other business & the people who come to it seeking help are often in an especially vulnerable place. It is a way of selling things that make people want & even need more of whatever is being sold. This is how most businesses work in our economy - selling salt water to people dying of thirst. Some people feel this is also how religion & church are but this has not been my experience. The first & most important commandment of Christianity is to love God with all our heart, soul & mind, which, thank God, doesn't have to cost any money. When we love God this way, He is our Shepherd & fills us up with 'living water' which makes us less needy of the endless array of empty promises being sold in the world. There are numerous Bible verses that tell us we are all called to Christ, for example: "...at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Philippians 2:10-11 (NIV) & yet, I have come to see that there so are many unique paths to Christ. Furthermore, I have come to appreciate that the new age is a way for people who don't accept Christianity to understand more about the darkness of this world so as to try to wield it rather than be wielded by it. Sadly, many new-agers get hurt & further from Christ but there are also those who find the truth, the way & the life in Jesus Christ through the new age. I pray that all those in the new age come to know & submit to Christ sooner rather than later so that the least harm is done, amen! When I was drowning in health problems, just praying, even sincerely lamenting on my own, was not enough. To stay afloat while treading water in a storm, I needed practical, tangible help. I needed (& still need) my family very close by, which meant I had to admit where I was at (gulp) & ask them to swoop in & help me & they do so much! I need church on an on-going basis. I need frequent worship & prayer with other believers. The Holy Spirit & word of God continue doing sacred & expertly careful work transforming & assisting me to do the things I have mentioned that are out of my character, as well as sharing this testimony! Praise be to God, amen.   I created this image to express how I often feel living with ME/CFS. The magnificent thing about our "boats" (ourselves) is that, far more than actual boats do, we have a huge effect on the world around us! Our presence - bringing GOD into the world around us, changes the world. Lord, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven, thank you & amen. Dear Holy Father,
We come humbly before you, each of us carrying some degree of weariness & burden. Our natural inclination is to fight & try harder, tiring ourselves out even more. Your word says you give us rest. Please teach us Lord, how to receive the peace, comfort & healing of resting in you. I invite us now to first just take notice & ask: is there a way I can position myself so that I am a little bit more comfortable? Maybe just a slight shift of my hip, or lean back or forward or can I choose to let go of holding certain muscles tightly? ... Ahhh, that is a little better already! And now, let us appreciate the blessing of the Lord’s ever-present breath in our lungs! Living with chronic pain, can make it difficult to appreciate our bodies, especially the parts that really hurt. It seems as if our body is letting us down or has even turned against us. Lord, you teach us in 1 Corinthians 6:19 that our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit you have given us. Our body is not a tool or our slave. Please help us take time each day, especially on the worst feeling days, to rest easy in appreciation of & through your love & strength. Let’s start with our feet. Please bring your attention to your feet. Are they feeling cold or warm? Tense or relaxed? Can you feel your toes? Can you feel the bones in your feet? When we pay attention like this to our bodies, it is like standing at the doorway to the temple of the Holy Spirit within! Thank you feet; you do so much for me! Now, imagine Jesus near you. How does He look? Where is He in relation to you? If you feel pain in your feet or at a different place of your body, show this to Jesus & see what he does or says. Moving on now to our legs. Give your attention to the bones & muscles around your knees ... & your hips. Can you shift your focus to the skin on your legs & notice a difference? Are there areas of your legs that feel good, maybe soft or tingly or even just ok? We will move on now to our back, neck & shoulders. These areas often feel sore from tension, stress & injuries. Let’s take a moment to notice whatever we notice here. Gently move your head from side to side, if you wish. Thank you God for my spine & all the muscles doing the best they can to keep me mobile & functional. Now, imagine yourself in a large, comfortable chair cuddled up with Jesus right next to you. Whatever part of your body that troubles you most, including any part I have not mentioned yet, bring it to Jesus & see what He says or does. How does it feel if Jesus touches or holds this part of you? We are coming to the end of this guided relaxation journey. Please take a few moments to wiggle your toes & fingers. As you notice your chest & belly moving with your breath, thank Jesus for His presence & tell Him you will see Him again soon! When you are ready to open your eyes, please do so & if you wish, take a moment to write down one or two words, insights or prayers you’ve had. If you’d like to share about your experience, please do so in the comments. Thank you for your participation.  This unanswered question posed by God in Jonah 4:11 is the final verse in this unique story of such rich & great depth. The book of Johan in the Bible is about a prophet who attempts to avoid God's command to warn the Nenevites that their evil ways have caught up with them. Rather than going into enemy territory to sound the alarm, Jonah takes an unsuccessful sabbatical from God's service. He gets tossed overboard a ship into the stormy sea & then is miraculously 'rescued' from drowning by being swallowed by a sea creature. Jonah spends three days inside the belly of the beast! For the whole of chapter two, Jonah prays sincerely; crying out to God from 'the depth of Sheol' (NASB) or 'from deep in the realm of the dead' (NIV). Jonah describes rock bottom viscerally & quite relatably to those who've been there. He also expresses his awakening - a changed heart & renewed vow: But I will sacrifice to Thee Even though Jonah doesn't repent for trying to ditch God's instruction, God makes the great fish vomit him back to life upon dry land for another chance. This seems symbolic of baptism & being born again. I guess God knew that Jonah's willingness to obey this time around was in fact the best any Hebrew of that day could do for the wicked & terrorizing people of Neneveh. Renewing his vow to the Lord strengthens Jonah to deliver the most successful prophesy of the old testament - everyone in Neneveh (even the animals) take him seriously & call on God in repentance. Jonah's anger (to the point of wanting to die) over God's relent, clearly shows Jonah's human nature. In contrast, eight hundred or so years later, Jesus, the son of God (God in human form), refers to the 'sign of Jonah' as an astute illustration that 'now something greater than Jonah is here'! Praise the Lord for all those who hear & believe :) Matthew 12:38 Then some of the Pharisees and teachers of the law said to him, “Teacher, we want to see a sign from you.”39 He answered, “A wicked and adulterous generation asks for a sign! But none will be given it except the sign of the prophet Jonah. 40 For as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of a huge fish, so the Son of Man will be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth. 41 The men of Nineveh will stand up at the judgment with this generation and condemn it; for they repented at the preaching of Jonah, and now something greater than Jonah is here. For what was asked of him, Jonah's anger is understandable but so quickly he forgot that God's compassion upon the Nenevites doesn't mean everything will be sunshine & roses for them. Just as Jonah had to endure his own 'day of the Lord' in the belly of a fish & he still wasn't 'off the hook' regarding God's plan, so it is for everyone: "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows." Galatians 6:7 It's just as Tim Mackie says: "God is not out to destroy us. He's out to show us that we're going the wrong way so that we can turn & find grace & new life. God's judgment is a good thing; it's an expression of His love. It's aimed at restoring people to relationship with Himself." God's judgment brings justice but it certainly & often doesn't seem fair or right or fun for us. Could it be that 'justice is as justice does' but is not as it appears? We learn from the book of Job that when it doesn't look as though justice is being served, we are to trust God anyway; He is working everything out 'just so' in His infinite wisdom & ways. When we consider all the moving parts, it's no wonder things are as they are. Jonah's well-heeded proclamation to the Nenevites was a hint toward the blessing of Jesus to come to all nations, including to those who are not God's chosen Jewish, Israelites. As I mentioned in my previous blog, Christian salvation is unique in that it is not about what we do as much as it's about what God has done for us. Christianity & going to heaven do not come about by 'being a good person' as many seem to think. We can not 'good' our way back to God as we were before 'the fall' because sin keeps us 'spiritually dead' to our Creator. Being or doing good doesn't cover up, cleanse or remove our sin. Only Jesus' death on the cross accomplished this & before Christ, people such as the Nenevites were saved by their faith in God & made righteous unto Him through repentance. No one is without wrongdoing except for Christ. Thank you God for giving us 'that which is greater than Jonah'. For it is through Jesus that we are reconciled to: "Our Father in heaven,  The shortest book of the old testament, Obadiah, conveys an important message: do not take advantage of those who are in distress. Although this seems pretty obvious, we undoubtedly need reminding to oppose the 'dog eat dog' survivalist mindset that intensifies at times. Obadiah 1:15 is like the backdrop of the 'golden rule', expressed in numerous ways throughout the Bible, for example, when Jesus says "Love your neighbor as yourself." (Mark 12:31) While the sentiment of the golden rule is shared in many philosophies & religions (see: https://www.goldenruleproject.org/formulations), salvation is unique to Christianity. God's reach down to us on earth through His son, for our redemption, is unlike anything else. Blessed we are, amen. 3"The arrogance of your heart has de- Who will bring me down to earth? The Lord, God if I am receptive to His Spirit. "Do not enter the gate of My people What we do to our neighbors, the earth & our enemies, we do to ourselves. Thank you Lord for the heads up & for helping us get this truth! Amen.
 This is a photo I took in my community of the beautiful, July full moon. Before being called by God to prophesy, Amos was a herdsmen & farmer. He became like the light of this full moon, shining God's warning & wisdom upon his neighbors who were caught up in corruption & spiritual darkness. There are numerous examples through out the old testament showing us what Acts 10:34 tells us: among the wayward & unrepentant, God doesn't show favoritism. His Holiness brings justice upon everyone. His 'chosen' people, Israel, are certainly no exception. Yet, He is patient & gives lots of chances for people to make changes by seeking & returning to Him. It is our choice to heed His messages (scripture) or to not. Whom of those who've read, can honestly deny His ROAR!? Therefore, thus I will do to you, O Israel; Because I shall do this to you, Prepare to meet your God, O Israel. Amos 4:12 God's instruction to His people is not convoluted. It seems to me as straightforward as looking both ways before crossing the street ... so that we may live. For thus says the Lord to the house of Israel, "Seek Me that you may live." Amos 5:4 But even with this simple instruction, I sometimes wonder, what hope do we have here? Given that long ago, while in union with God in the Garden of Eden, we turned away from having all our needs met, unto sin! From this act of rebellion, we fell into conflict & layers of impossibility; obstacles within obstacles. Such is the day of the Lord: Alas, you who are longing for the day of the Lord, for what purpose will the day of the Lord be to you? It will be darkness and not light; As when a man flees from a lion, and a bear meets him, or goes home, leans his hand against the wall, and a snake bites him. Amos 5:18-19 The hardships of life on earth surrounded by spiritual death can lead us back to the Lord if we open ourselves to this possibility. The hope we have comes from following Jesus, who takes all judgement of others out of us because everyone is equally in need of His salvation. I pray for God's justice to keep working its way through each of us unto others & this land, amen. But let justice roll down like waters and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream. Amos 5:24 Justice comes through sharing God's word, which I like to do, hopefully so, in ways that inspire curiosity & awe ('The Spirit') rather than repulsion. As we know from 1 Cor. 2:14 "The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness..." Thank you God for ending my famine for hearing your words. I praise you for filling, healing & strengthening me with the Holy Scripture. I do not take for granted that the Bible is freely available to me. I pray that all who are in need, waiting & searching, many who know not for what they seek, will find you dear Lord Jesus, hearing & heeding your word, amen. "Behold days are coming," declares the Lord God, "When I will send a famine on the land, not a famine for bread or a thirst for water, but rather for hearing the words of the Lord. Amos 8:11  Back in December of 2023, I wrote about Richard Schwartz' psychological approach called Internal Family Systems (IFS). Today's blog, goes into more detail about IFS from my Christian perspective starting with a quote from Mr. Schwartz's book called No Bad Parts: "...in terms of spiritual preferences, our exiles' sense of worthlessness is likely to unconsciously steer us toward spiritualities or gurus that promise redemption or salvation. Similarly, because of their fear and hurt, we might tend toward forms of worship that are centered around a guru or some notion of an all-powerful God." (p.76) Whether this 'steering' toward salvation comes from exiled parts of our psyches or from what Richard Schwartz calls: 'Self Energy', ultimately it is a gift from God. Wisdom of 'the fear of the Lord' makes us aware of God Almighty & appreciate our need of Him as our Savior. This blessing may not happen until we experience our own personal 'Day of the Lord' (a coming to Jesus moment). Often an intense time of judgement, a reckoning & destruction & hopefully praise God, resulting in repentance & salvation. This is sound preparation for THE Day of the Lord that many prophets of the Bible, including Joel, speak about as being 'near' (Joel 1:15, 2:1, 11, 31 & 3:14) - "Who can endure it?"
As mentioned in my previous blog, IFS is an approach used to 'get to know' the complex & delicate inner workings of our minds. Richard Schwartz writes about 'Self Energy' that is needed for such a task. Self Energy involves qualities he calls 'the eight C's': curiosity, calm, confidence, compassion, creativity, clarity, courage & connectedness. Equipped with these qualities, Richard teaches therapists to guide people in discovering & 'unburdening' banished parts that are stuck hurting in past scenarios. The aim of IFS is freeing parts from their protective yet damaging behaviors & roles. Psychology & spirituality are inextricably intertwined yet often not in a harmonious way. I extend these words of caution about psychological approaches such as IFS because I know that people who are hurting can get very lost & taken advantage of while exploring the depths of themselves. Even as a Christian blessed with relatively harmonious integration of spirituality & psychology, I've experienced this danger. Woe especially to those that attempt such an endeavor who are without the anchor of a strong, conscious relationship with our personal Creator! Self Energy is considered by many to be a safe way to lead people 'down the rabbit hole' to bring about self-improvement. Furthermore, emotional pain & psychological help can be a doorway for genuine encounters with God. People may very well come to meet God through self-exploration but they also might not. In other words, Self Energy might only possibly scratch the surface regarding spiritual death (not to mention spiritual attacks). Addressing spiritual death ought to be our top priority & first order of business towards fulfilling our truest potential, otherwise, round & round within spiritual death one goes, seeking the peace & comfort of Christ Jesus in everything under the sun but Him. This said, it must be genuine, from a 'tenderized' heart; it can not come about superficially or by coercion. A tenderized heart means feeling the fear of His sheer power & that He means business! Mixed with His unrivaled loving compassion & forgiveness. Even at our physical & psychological peak of strength & aptitude, we are but a breath (Psalm 144:4)! We are merely vapor - here today & gone tomorrow (James 4:14). Like the grass of the field, we wither & like flowers, our faithfulness fades when the Lord blows upon us (Isaiah 40:6-7). All 'the 8 C's' in the world can't prevent anyone's inevitable & possibly sudden & immediate destruction, but our Lord & Savior Jesus Christ does by offering eternal life: "And it will come about that whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be delivered..." (Joel 2:32). Delivered from spiritual death! Who doesn't want that & why not? Self Energy pales in comparison to spiritual rebirth. The IFS way of 'unburdening' can not offer us spiritual rebirth: "And there is salvation in no one else; for there is no other name under heaven that has been given among men, by which we must be saved." (Acts 4:12). Richard teaches people to 'unburden' exiles by letting the painful emotions they carry go into one of the elements (e.g. air, water, fire, light, earth). For non-Christians, I think this aspect of IFS appeals to parts that know God & understand that He longs to free us ("...I will put my laws into their minds & I will write them on their hearts." Hebrews 8:10). These parts that know God, maybe they can not yet see Him as our personal, loving Father but they are heading in this direction. If you think about it, there is an aspect of truth to this way of unburdening because God is everywhere (Ephesians 4:6). Of course He is the light (John 8:12). This said, it can also be misleading & confusing. The concept of psychological unburdening can distract & lead people away from pursuing God in a personal way through Jesus Christ as Lord & Savior. Not mentioning Jesus as the original 'un-burdener' misleads people into believing that with the help of a therapist, we can unburden ourselves, which according to God is inappropriate self-reliance not unlike original sin ("...you will be like God, knowing good & evil." Genesis 3:4). Cleaning up old psychological wounds in this IFS way, likely helps people feel better & perhaps be more functional but it is a far cry from repentance & salvation - rebirth - the official 'starting line' of healing & wholeness! Of course, we can not force anyone into salvation or even into wanting to entertain or discuss the concept of it. Each person comes to salvation in a way & timing that is drawn by the Father (John 6:44). Some people might get there through psychological 'preparation' such as Self Energy. On a broader note, I hope that more Christians come to appreciate that needing psychological help even during our walk with Christ is no different than needing a doctor but it certainly requires nuanced discernment. I think a template of IFS can most safely be adapted & utilized by Christians as a way to find & release to the Lord emotional pain, in a more gentle & up to date manner (less archaic & traumatic) than typical 'deliverance' strategies. I have a personal example of how IFS can also help lost Christians find their way back to Jesus in the midst of their darkest 'hour'. During a very difficult time when my already ill-health was in sharp decline & relationship concerns were prolific during the pandemic, I felt I had no where else to turn, even as a Christian. For many years leading up to this time, I had been crying out to God without receiving what felt like enough or practical help. So I got to the point of seeking guidance from trees but they too were silent on these matters, go figure, lol. When I was asked by a therapist using IFS methodology who else was here to help me, this is when Jesus came into much clearer view & I knew what to do. I went to scripture & heard it in a much more meaningful & healing way. While my health is gradually improving, continued surges of intense symptoms are felt as a remnant. A reminder to me that I share with you about my personal Day of the Lord (much longer than a day; a very, very long season). Keeping me in constant awareness of how powerful He is & to remain steadfast, in awe, humbled & surrendered to Him. He is after our hearts, not our appearance. Our heart is often where we 'store away' our sins, wounds & other burdens as if it is an attic or basement. Christian-based IFS is a way to invite Jesus to enter into & offer up to Him, our most messy, hidden vulnerabilities, where we hold onto things most dear as well as that which we most want to forget. I pray a blessing over Richard Schwartz & those who use IFS & other psychological approaches. May IFS bring people to the true healing power of Christ through salvation, amen. If you are looking for a Christian IFS therapist, here is a list I have come across: https://jennariemersma.com/find-christian-ifs-therapist/ I have made a few short, artistic illustrations on my Instagram & YouTube of some of the points I have written about in this blog. Thanks for reading. Feel free to pose comments, questions or concerns.  Seeking God's face is all about intimacy with our almighty Creator. It is intentionally bringing God's personal, unconditional love & holiness to shine upon me. Like an eager, tentative child looking to her father for approval as she explores or a spouse's knowing glance from across a crowded room. One of the most accessible ways of seeking God's face is by reading His word. The more I study God's word, the more clearly I see His face. As a blind person knows faces by touch, I feel the magnificence of meeting God's Holy gaze through scripture! He wants us seeking His face in times of joy & also during trouble for support, conviction & correction.  Otherwise, He may turn to other ways of getting our attention & discipline, as the book of Hosea details. For example, chapter 2 verse 6 states that God used thorns & a wall to stop Gomer from her sin of harlotry. Before Jesus became the face of God among us, it seems that seeking Him was more arduous & strict but it was also a much more accepted part of everyday life compared to now. Either way, it still isn't easy to: 1). hear & see God & accept the Gospel. In fact, in our natural state of spiritual death this requires God's intervention; & 2). stay strong on God's path. Now & in the past, the material world compels us; we get distracted from & forget our need to seek God first & foremost. "As they had their pasture, they became satisfied & being satisfied, their heart became proud; therefore, they forgot Me." (Hosea 13:6). Furthermore, many people do not acknowledge their need for forgiveness. People can be morally good & do great things, which is wonderful but without accepting the saving grace of God's son Jesus Christ, they remain spiritually dead in sin. The book of Hosea makes it clear to me that God wants everyone to know that our greatest need is spiritual met by Him alone! "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge..." (Hosea 4:6) "For there is no savior besides Me." (Hosea 13:4). My people consult their wooden idol, and their diviner's wand informs them; for a spirit of harlotry has led them astray, and they have played the harlot, departing from their God. Hosea 4:12 Personal happiness is of top priority in this secular, consumeristic world. Reading through the Bible, it seems this has always been the case. When things are not going our way, we're apt to take matters into our own hands & look to other 'gods' that are expertly marketed as more palatable & profitable. All the while, God pleads with us that it is especially during difficult times that we should look to Him even more closely, noticing for instance, the way His eyes weep or sparkle & smile with ours. "So let us know, let us press on to know the Lord." (Hosea 6:3). This is how we grow beyond ourselves.  There are numerous Bible verses that display God's call for everyone to seek His face. Here are two: 1). “Turn to Me and be saved, all the ends of the earth; For I am God, and there is no other." (Isa. 45:22). 2). Jesus stood and cried out, saying, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink." (John 7:37). If you think you do not belong to God for any reason, may God's intervention change your mind. Hosea 2:23 states, those who used to be considered "not My people" (e.g. non-Jews), are in fact God's people. Furthermore, at least twice, the New Testament records Jesus saying: "I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." (Matt. 9:13 & Mark 2:17). Note: 'sinners' means everyone. A wise daily practice it is to humbly confess our blind spots (e.g. "Please my Lord, show me the errors in my way.") as well as sins we’re aware of. Bringing our failures, weakness & brokenness to God almighty is not for the faint of heart. Think of Saul being blinded by the light of God shining upon his sins. "Seek My face" means facing all of ourselves in light of the Father, 'El Roi' (the God who sees me) & 'Galah Raz' (revealer of mysteries). He knows our guilt for sin even before we are born.
Throughout our lives, He works on us, kneading & softening us like clay! Allowing us to feel the wages of sin & thus our need of Him. Graciously He provides us a way back to life with Him, if we so choose it. Within all the frustrations & trials, such a joy-filled sense of relief & gratitude fills me in being set free of death unto life through Christ Jesus. I pray it fills you too, amen.  I've been thinking about parents who encourage their toddlers & young children to "help" with the daily chores of sweeping, cooking, laundry, yard work & such. Doing so is not because the little ones are actually helpful in these ways, rather it is preparation & for their healthy development that parents take extra time & effort doing this. And so it is with God, who allows & equips us to "help" Him do His will: Romans 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. As children are in comparison to adults, we are even greater still so much more vastly 'clumsy' & insufficient compared to God! Even with the best of intentions, we get in the way of His perfect will. Probably messing things up far more than actually helping! Might it be that this perspective can take some needed pressure off the "being good" part of what it means to be the Lord's disciples? He takes us on! Continuing to equip & develop us despite our many failures. Even when we 'do things right' as in the case with Daniel, this may mean exposure to blazing fires & lions' dens for us to get the Lord's message & show it to others. Despite potentially negative consequences, Daniel 'tested & approved what God's will is' by sharing his interpretation of the "writing on the wall" to king Belshazzar: Daniel 5:23 "...you have praised the gods of silver and gold, of bronze, iron, wood and stone, which do not see, hear or understand. But the God in whose hand are your life-breath and your ways, you have not glorified." Imagine being trapped with hungry lions for worshiping God, as Daniel did, despite king Darius's injunction not to. Daniel didn't have to kill these lions. God demonstrated His power in a more delicate way by sending His angel to shut the lions' mouths in light of Daniel's innocence. Daniel's courage & survival inspired the king to make the following declaration: Daniel 6:26-27 I make a decree that in all the dominion of my kingdom men are to fear and tremble before the God of Daniel; For He is the living God and enduring forever, And his kingdom is one which will not be destroyed, And His dominion will be forever. He delivers and rescues and performs signs and wonders In heaven and on earth, Who has also delivered Daniel from the power of the lions. God made us to dwell in perfect presence with Him in the Garden of Eden. Of course He prefers when we listen to Him & do not sin but He knows we are all learning to 'test & approve what God's will is' & in doing so we make many mistakes. Some of us wrestle with the thought: "If only I were in the perfection of Eden like Adam & Eve lived, it would be easier to not to sin." Yet, here on earth, in our fallen state, God provides us with an 'out' that reconnects us with the perfection of the "Garden of Eden" --this is Jesus & the Holy word of God, the Bible. Yet still there are so many who choose not to acknowledge & receive these gifts as such; as His word & the way, the truth & the life. I pray that we receive these gifts over & over as many times as is needed to live 'his good, pleasing & perfect will.' Amen.
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