 Feelings are a language way bigger than words. By "feelings" I mean emotions & sensations. They are condensed information packages like zip files. For me they contain not just personal content but also something of everything I care about, which God knows, is a lot! I am learning more about what it means to be a "feeler" for the Kingdom of God. I pray dear Lord for your burden that is light to help me do your will in discerning & deciphering important feelings & what to do with them, amen! It is interesting listening to stories of how people come to hear the Lord's calling & how He enriches lives & brings people through challenges. Listening to others' testimonies has helped me, as a Christian, feel less alone in what I have been through. Christianity is often not glamorous or easy. Many of us either come from or get into such difficulties at some point that we even question wanting to be immortal! Despite this, there are millions of brilliant Christian testimonies & many martyrs. This says a lot about the power of the living God! I agree with J. Warner Wallace, the American homicide detective & Christian apologist, who says: "I am not a Christian because it works for me, I am a Christian because it is true." As Christians, we give up to God our temporary, carnal (worldly) lives for eternal life with Christ: Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it. Matthew 10:39 (NIV) I have been feeling called to share my testimony for quite some time & have realized I need to break it down into short stories so as to capture adequate detail. This blog is about the time in my life, not long ago that culminated in re-dedicating my life to the Lord. After many years of me/cfs illness & trying numerous things to improve my health without success, including crying out to God in prayer countless times, in 2020 I sought energy healing. I won't go into details about how those specific sessions were for me but I'll mention a few points about taking an online class taught by the energy healer.  This course was for learning metaphysical strategies to improve my energy, in other words, "new age" practices. There are those who believe that some of the origins of new age teachings come from Christianity, but with the authority of Jesus Christ removed, they are dangerous, blasphemous, idolatry. At that time, I was a Christian but on the periphery of new age for years, however, I was never really sold on it. Participating in the class with the energy healer felt intriguing but also intimidating. I had entered an arena that felt foreign to me. I was like a pet rabbit in a jungle! They were checking me out in a deep & undisclosed way, which was not comfortable for my highly sensitive, introverted self who just wants to be healthy, engage harmoniously with others & have a pleasant life. Also, I could feel more clearly than usual how everyone's morality is unique. It is good that I came to know these things in such a tangible way because before this, I could be naive & too trusting of others. However, being introverted & reserved has been one form of protection against that. Around this time, I realized how important adhering to the ten commandments is for communities. As common sense as they are to me, many other people live by totally different moral laws or none at all. In the late Spring of 2020, the energy healer-teacher invited me to a 'purification' or sweat lodge, that he was leading. There was four other participants, one 'watchman' & I brought a friend along. It is impossible to put such a densely packed felt experience into words but I will do my best. May this message be pleasing to the Lord & helpful for the Kingdom of God. Before beginning 'the sweat', I was concerned the heat inside the lodge was going to be unbearable, like the heat inside a car on a hot day, a suffocating heat, but it was not like that at all. The most striking aspect of the experience was the profound, unspeakable beauty.  Beauty I felt. Beauty that drenched me in a tender, misty-liquid-light type of love that emanated from the fire that was inside the rocks that lay burning in the middle of the lodge. Holy Spirit filled the dome-shaped log structure we were gathered in. There was nothing scary about this experience, yet I also felt vulnerable & an appropriate 'fear of the Lord' in there. His shear power, sacredness & deserving of respect, commanded such reverence. If there were any unholy spirits around, they didn't stay long! The blissful, comforting, healing warmth of Holy Spirit relaxed my body that so often feels pain. Plus, there was just the right amount of coolness in the air coming up from the earth that we were seated upon. My mind felt peacefully calm & clear as I breathed in the delicately rich scent of cedar. We each prayed & also sang Amazing Grace together.  "Tri-Infinity Eagle Lodge" - this is the art I made after participating in the June 202o purification lodge. Those embryo-like looking things in the middle are the 6 souls in the lodge as the black grandfather rocks burned, glowing orange at the center in between us. The misty-liquid-light of the Holy Spirit fills the air & Eagle Watchman stands nearby with open wings of protection, amen & praise the Lord! This event was a mixture of Indigenous culture, Christianity & new age healing. What the ... (insert 'mind blown' emoji)? I would have liked to of had more prior understanding about the tradition of the purification lodge & 1:1 debriefing time with the energy healer. I was told later by one of the elders that the purification lodge is similar to going to church for Indigenous people. Well it was quite the service, phew! I am grateful I was able to feel the healing, power & beauty of the Holy Spirit during that experience. However, I will also add that there are things that happened during that chapter of my life that were unbearably painful & difficult to process on my own. It has taken me years to integrate & just now share little bits of it. I have not felt comfortable talking with anyone about these experiences in any depth & this isolation has weighed on me. I participated in the lodge when I was going through a time of extremely poor health as well as the pandemic. I would not have gone for energy healing if I had other options & wasn't at the end of my rope. I am curious about the other participants' experiences in the lodge; likely they are quite different from mine. This was not the first time I had been overwhelmed by the presence of the Holy Spirit. While it was blissful for me at this time, I know that the convicting power of Holy Spirit can also be very uncomfortable - even to the point of being confused as an evil presence. Scripture records several examples of the spirit of the Lord, immediately upon appearing to people, saying: "Do not be afraid" (Isaiah 41:10; Matthew 1:20; Luke 2:10; Acts 18:9).  "Wings of Wisdom" - I drew this eagle just after attending the purification lodge based upon the experience of what I felt. Psychology & new age spirituality teach about the importance of "shadow work" & integration for healing & personal development. Integrating the shadow is about seeing & accepting the "dark side" or hidden aspects of ourselves rather than remaining unaware or repressing them (often with guilt & shame). The energy healer told me that trying to heal by doing shadow work on ourselves is like trying to do our own dental work, ouch! Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod & Your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4 (NASB) The concept of "shadow work" comes from scripture. A central part of Christianity is being well-aware of the dark or evil, sin-nature of ourselves & of humanity in general. We also understand there are dark forces at work in this world. We are not affirming of evil, rather, we acknowledge that it is our biggest problem & it is precisely why believing in what Jesus has done for us is top priority & necessary for our salvific purification. Jesus is who He says He is & thus we need Him for ourselves to become whole & fully healed. And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Jesus takes each of us as we are - broken by our own & others' sin & He mends us up with His righteousness so that we can stand before the holiness of God & survive His consuming fire (see Deuteronomy 4:24 & Hebrews 12:29). Furthermore, we are not to perform 'dental work' on our own teeth or trust just anyone with our shadow work - Holy Spirit takes care of this through conviction, baptism by fire & sanctification.  In this world, we face evil that is in the open light of day & that which is hidden in the darkness of night. There is good & evil intertwined in everything except God who is all good (see Mark 10:18). For example, how is it not more widely considered evil that much of the money being invested & exchanged world-wide involves sin (e.g. exploitation, greed, over-consumption, gluttony, corruption, dishonoring God's resources & creation etc...)? As Christians, how can we improve upon an economic system that has sin built into it? How is the economy changing as God's Kingdom comes & His will is being done on earth as it is in heaven? While I was in the new age online class, even though I felt like a defenseless rabbit in a jungle, that was not the truth. In fact, I was & am a lion (or lioness) because of who lives in me. In surrendering my sin & weaknesses to Christ, I am made strong through Him. It is still not easy being a feeler though! I adapt with a slow pace of life because feelings are heavy & can be deceiving & they take time to process. I am learning to not go to either extreme of over-focusing on details & feeling too much of one specific thing or zooming out in a huge way & feeling diffuse exhaustion. We all need God's help to see & understand more, like how both evil (the weeds) & good (the wheat) are to "grow together" until such time: Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn. Matthew 13:30 (NIV) A few years after the purification lodge ceremony, I heard from the energy healer that as a child, he accepted Christ as his personal Lord & savior but sometime later, he got into metaphysical studies to make sense of his psychic abilities. I believe those abilities are spiritual gifts from the Lord but he was told they are sinful which had him turn to other ways of getting help. As Christians, we need to be there for each in support of developing our spiritual gifts rather than fearing & shunning them. I believe God allows Christians to go 'undercover' as sort of a type of 'missionary' into new age or other communities. All missionary work is risky but this type is especially so because, as I say it tends to be 'undercover' in that to some degree we might even have to forget certain aspects of who we are in Christ or who Christ is in order to reach people & learn about Him in new ways. It might take someone who can feel Christ to be a reminder that He is within & wants us back exclusively now! By God's grace, we do turn back & can then share our stories of warning & walking each other home to Christ. Other than the main concern of idolatry, the caution I offer is that the new age can be like any other business & the people who come to it seeking help are often in an especially vulnerable place. It is a way of selling things that make people want & even need more of whatever is being sold. This is how most businesses work in our economy - selling salt water to people dying of thirst. Some people feel this is also how religion & church are but this has not been my experience. The first & most important commandment of Christianity is to love God with all our heart, soul & mind, which, thank God, doesn't have to cost any money. When we love God this way, He is our Shepherd & fills us up with 'living water' which makes us less needy of the endless array of empty promises being sold in the world. There are numerous Bible verses that tell us we are all called to Christ, for example: "...at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Philippians 2:10-11 (NIV) & yet, I have come to see that there so are many unique paths to Christ. Furthermore, I have come to appreciate that the new age is a way for people who don't accept Christianity to understand more about the darkness of this world so as to try to wield it rather than be wielded by it. Sadly, many new-agers get hurt & further from Christ but there are also those who find the truth, the way & the life in Jesus Christ through the new age. I pray that all those in the new age come to know & submit to Christ sooner rather than later so that the least harm is done, amen! When I was drowning in health problems, just praying, even sincerely lamenting on my own, was not enough. To stay afloat while treading water in a storm, I needed practical, tangible help. I needed (& still need) my family very close by, which meant I had to admit where I was at (gulp) & ask them to swoop in & help me & they do so much! I need church on an on-going basis. I need frequent worship & prayer with other believers. The Holy Spirit & word of God continue doing sacred & expertly careful work transforming & assisting me to do the things I have mentioned that are out of my character, as well as sharing this testimony! Praise be to God, amen. 
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 I've been thinking about parents who encourage their toddlers & young children to "help" with the daily chores of sweeping, cooking, laundry, yard work & such. Doing so is not because the little ones are actually helpful in these ways, rather it is preparation & for their healthy development that parents take extra time & effort doing this. And so it is with God, who allows & equips us to "help" Him do His will: Romans 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. As children are in comparison to adults, we are even greater still so much more vastly 'clumsy' & insufficient compared to God! Even with the best of intentions, we get in the way of His perfect will. Probably messing things up far more than actually helping! Might it be that this perspective can take some needed pressure off the "being good" part of what it means to be the Lord's disciples? He takes us on! Continuing to equip & develop us despite our many failures. Even when we 'do things right' as in the case with Daniel, this may mean exposure to blazing fires & lions' dens for us to get the Lord's message & show it to others. Despite potentially negative consequences, Daniel 'tested & approved what God's will is' by sharing his interpretation of the "writing on the wall" to king Belshazzar: Daniel 5:23 "...you have praised the gods of silver and gold, of bronze, iron, wood and stone, which do not see, hear or understand. But the God in whose hand are your life-breath and your ways, you have not glorified." Imagine being trapped with hungry lions for worshiping God, as Daniel did, despite king Darius's injunction not to. Daniel didn't have to kill these lions. God demonstrated His power in a more delicate way by sending His angel to shut the lions' mouths in light of Daniel's innocence. Daniel's courage & survival inspired the king to make the following declaration: Daniel 6:26-27 I make a decree that in all the dominion of my kingdom men are to fear and tremble before the God of Daniel; For He is the living God and enduring forever, And his kingdom is one which will not be destroyed, And His dominion will be forever. He delivers and rescues and performs signs and wonders In heaven and on earth, Who has also delivered Daniel from the power of the lions. God made us to dwell in perfect presence with Him in the Garden of Eden. Of course He prefers when we listen to Him & do not sin but He knows we are all learning to 'test & approve what God's will is' & in doing so we make many mistakes. Some of us wrestle with the thought: "If only I were in the perfection of Eden like Adam & Eve lived, it would be easier to not to sin." Yet, here on earth, in our fallen state, God provides us with an 'out' that reconnects us with the perfection of the "Garden of Eden" --this is Jesus & the Holy word of God, the Bible. Yet still there are so many who choose not to acknowledge & receive these gifts as such; as His word & the way, the truth & the life. I pray that we receive these gifts over & over as many times as is needed to live 'his good, pleasing & perfect will.' Amen.
 Art from FIRST NATIONS VERSION PROJECT - Retelling the Good Story: A Day & a Night with Creator Sets Free Over & over through out scripture, God teaches us, especially in times of troubles, to listen for His instruction & obey as an act of faith. This likely means we must first clear away distractions & let God write our to-do list. Jesus offered up a small amount of food & praised God for multiplying it to feed thousands (in Matthew, Mark, Luke & John). Lord, I lift up the food You graciously provide to me. I praise Your blessing of it satisfies all who are hungry, thank You our Great Giving Father! How did the woman who had bled for twelve years, suffering under the care of many doctors (& spending all she had), how did she come to know: 'If only I may touch His clothes, I shall be made well." (Mark 5:28)? According to Jewish Law, anything or anyone she touched became unclean, but because Jesus came to fulfill the law, he cleansed her. Jesus gave her the instruction she needed to heal. He knew she would touch Him before it happened.  Art from FIRST NATIONS VERSION PROJECT - Retelling the Good Story: A Day & a Night with Creator Sets Free After Peter ASKED Him to, Jesus told Peter to "Come" walk on the stormy sea to Him (Matthew 14:25-33). Obviously, it was not that walking was difficult for Peter. The tricky part was believing he could walk on a non-solid substance in the midst of a storm! This story tells me that when the Lord says "Come" I might be called to do an something I already know how to do within a context that seems impossible. This type of act of faith, I have been practicing when my energy is extremely low or scattered or when a feeling of overwhelm tries to take over. Rather than elaborate plans, God knows these acts of faith often need to be very simple, such as raising my arms up & reciting a health confession: "This is my comfort in my affliction, that Thy word has revived me" (Psalm 119:50).  These gorgeous fall trees made me stop driving & take a photo! When Jesus healed people, He often gave them a simple instruction: "Bring the boy here to me." (Matthew 17:17) When praying for healing, I encourage myself & those I am praying for to listen for an instruction from the Lord. It may be a very simply action (yet still often requires great faith, like "walking on water"). The receiving of an instruction is not about testing the Lord or "testing out" His healing. By listening, we are practicing & honing our ability to hear God! & act-ivating our faith, healing & discipleship, amen!
This seven minute animation (Retelling the Good Story) is where I got the two art images above. This video is a beautiful artistic version of two Gospel stories told from a First Nations cultural perspective. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do :) youtu.be/QMPlZLGWT80?si=2xnERxelb8aOTpuz  Our soul is the place deep within that unites our psyche & spirit with our body. The healing of the soul from sin is the innermost, profound (even pervasive) type of healing we can go through, somewhat like the process of physical birth. Jesus answered, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless someone is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. That which has been born of the flesh is flesh, and that which has been born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not be amazed that I said to you, ‘You must be born again.’ John 3:5-7 The degree to which sin has invaded one's self, soul healing salvation is self-destructive & as such, makes personal the crucifixion & resurrection of Jesus Christ: "It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God." (Hebrews 10:31) Many don't understand the need for soul healing and confuse it for other needs. The realization of the need for salvation is not something one person rightly can push upon another. The desire for a free soul: eternal life (knowing God as Jesus Christ), comes from within, hearing His knocking & calling us home. “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them, and I will raise them up at the last day." (John 6:44) Purification of the soul is on continuous offer from God Almighty to everyone alive, as the gift of grace through Jesus Christ. Accepting God's gift of redemption means entering into covenant relationship with God & surrendering to His Word & to His Ways: "...whoever loses their life for my sake will find it." (Matthew 10:39) As the Light of the Lord (Holy Spirit) goes to work within an individual's spirit when their soul is saved, full healing of body & mind is activated & nothing can stop it (not even physical death). Even that which seems like an obstacle (e.g. illness) becomes part of one's healing journey. God has a plan & always makes His Ways straight, uplifting us from darkness. "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:29-30) I remember laughing out loud, likely through tears, when I read this Bible passage above. Wait a minute, I thought ... Your yoke is easy & Your burden is light? Come now, really ... why then is it so painful? While salvation happens the instant we first believe, its effects have our whole lives & beyond (eternity) to penetrate & permeate throughout our being. That God has us for such a long while (forever!) is a very good thing because we humans are very dense & so it can take Light a long time & some pretty intense pain to make its healing ways through us. The Holy Spirit clears us out; all that is not of God must go so He can fill us entirely. Iniquities, infirmities & afflictions - be gone, in Jesus name. Throughout Jesus' ministry He demonstrated much compassion towards those oppressed by illness; healing all who came to him, even those with little faith! The testimonies of physical healing did such a great work of spreading the "Good News" of Jesus like an underground fire erupting in places & never going out. Jesus healed the sick when He was God-made-flesh on earth & He continues healing people to the present day; we know this because it is written: “I the LORD do not change. (Malachi 3:6) Just as salvation can be a sensitive topic in the secular world so to is the topic of physical healing, or "Faith Healing", even among Christians. Why is it that some people heal quickly while other faithful folk remain sick for years, despite much prayer? It is so important that we be wise to etiquette around the topic of faith healing so as to not create more disappointment (where there is already much suffering) and push people away from ourselves and from God. I know firsthand how devastating it can be to be prayed over so many times & not feel any better physically, it's heartbreaking! I understand more now & there is much faith, joy (& even delight) in the renewing of my mind & softening of my heart, that I want to pass along. So now, here are some of the rules I pledge to live by regarding this topic: 1. Educate others about faith healing and let the understanding & the desire for it come from them (from God within them). When they are ready, they will come to it! 2. Do not assume everyone with a disability/illness wants/requires physical healing. Often people know subconsciously when it is their time to pass on or to remain in the condition they are in. In addition, many people with disabilities do not want to be fixed or cured. Never judge anyone who has "not yet healed" (e.g. as having too little faith etc.). The matter is between that person & God (& me or you, if they allow it). 3. All healing is from God; He made us healing "bio-machines". When praying for healing, rather than use the phrase: "If it be your will..." (If you are not sure that it is God's will to heal you will you possibly go against God's Will by asking the doctor to figure out what is going wrong, taking medication or getting surgery?); PRAY (something like): "Thank you Lord for hearing my prayer & healing me, in Jesus name, Your Kingdom come, Your Will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." AMEN! 4. One of the biggest lessons to understanding faith healing comes from this verse (& there are others like it): "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." (Mark 11:24) This is where people with chronic illness need Noah's ark & mustard seed moving mountains & the thief on the cross next to Jesus saying "Remember me...", type of faith. Once we've asked for health, we must believe it is so despite possible lingering symptoms. For this is what faith is, believing that which we do not have empirical evidence for. Believing what is not, into reality--not on the basis of new age sayings and positive psychology but on the authority of God & His promises throughout scripture.
This is a huge revelation in that, rather than getting disappointed after prayer & continued symptoms, we can instead take action to cultivate more faith, such as, by making confession: "Jesus is the Lord of my life. Sickness & disease have no power over me." (Charles Capps). Each confession is like lifting weights; it's going to take many repetitions to become stronger & see our "faith muscles" increase. Similarly, it may take many repetitions to see health replace symptoms after years of the brain subconsciously "rehearsing" certain sensations over & over. Furthermore, there are reasons other than what I've mentioned so far (e.g. timing, faith) as to why one's physical healing may be delayed. I have more to share and will do so in another blog, another time. Thank you for reading & happy healing, amen!  I’m encouraged by the increasing numbers of individuals, myself included, who realize we are being blinded to faith & are overcoming that. By faith I mean trusting the principles & promises of The Word; that the Bible is true, holy & sacred, from & of God, amen. “The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.”  What I mean by ‘blinded to faith’ is analogous to growing up in darkness & silence. If that were the case, being exposed later in life to visual & auditory stimuli wouldn’t make sense, especially at first. In fact, one would likely deliberately close their eyes & plug their ears to reduce the confusing effects of the new types of information.  We would default to using our sense of touch, taste & smell to try to ‘see & hear’ but obviously that wouldn’t work. It is the same for faith. Especially at first, we can't rely our usual ways of sensing & thinking to come to faith. Faith has everything to do with the immaterial, spiritual realm (which includes but is not limited to the confines of the material world) to which many of us are not only unaccustomed to but are also hostile against. So how do people acquire faith? There are several factors at hand in this matter. First & foremost: “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them, and I will raise them up at the last day.” (John 6:44) & "And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself.” (John 12:32) Furthermore, our sense of faith develops in the light of the faith of others. I pray in the name of Jesus, this blog will ignite a fire of faith in each of the readers hearts so that they share their faith in fitting ways with others, amen. The Bible says: “So faith comes from hearing & hearing through the word of Christ.” (Romans 10:17) Notice here, as Bill Johnson of Bethel Church points out, that it doesn’t say: “So faith comes from hearing the word of Christ.” No, first, we hear through The Word of Christ & then faith comes. “The point is, according to The Message, before you trust, you have to listen.” If we close off to hearing what Christ says, faith can't flourish within the soil of our hearts. Two other important factors regarding the acquisition of faith: the renewed mind & heart of flesh. “And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” (Ezekiel 36:26) I like the way Bill Johnson sums up this point by saying: "Faith doesn’t come from the mind, we know that. Faith comes from the heart but the renewed mind is like the banks of a river; it creates the context for faith to flow in .... And the renewed mind anchors into what God has said above every other voice.” AMEN!  |