I rarely remember my dreams, so when I do, I consider them quite interesting, possibly even significant. One of our family dogs from many years ago, Kelly, came to mind recently in a stressful dream. She was distressed, barking as she often did, chained up outside in our back yard. There was a lot of water all around her from rain & a hose or sprinkler. She was in desperate need of rescue & companionship.

In the dream, I was so tired (no surprise there) & was sleeping. My x-partner & his girlfriend came by encouraging me to 'deal with' (help) Kelly. Finally I gathered the strength & went out to see her. She was so eager to see me even if only for the possibility of 'something better'. She scrambled up many stairs to get to me & away from the miserable, sogginess of her home base. However, as she reached the top step, the cable attached to her collar began violently hoisting her back down several flights of stairs toward her doghouse. I winced watching her go limp & take the fall. How many times has she been through this? I woke up hurting, startled & sad.

One of the symptoms of me/cfs is "unrefreshing sleep" which means that upon waking, I feel as though my 'sleep' involved completing a triathlon while having the flu & then being run over by a truck. Is this symptom occurring because, even though I don't recall, I frequently have disturbing dreams like this one about Kelly? Or do I have stressful dreams like this about hope & continuing to try even when it hurts because I have a medically neglected disease & this is how it feels, over & over again?

I've always admired how loyal & happy dogs are. Even when they are not treated well, they still love their human companions & are content with only scraps of food & attention. That is enough, for now anyway, about my sad dog dream & memories. I want to change the subject entirely & point out the verses in the book of John where Jesus speaks about joy (at least three times):

Before Jesus' death, this is Him praying to ('Himself'), the Father:

My friend & I, one of the things we do to help us through painful symptoms & other difficulties is imagine & discuss what heaven will be like. It brings us joy & peace to wonder about living where not only all our own needs & Godly desires are met, but everyone's are. Instead of the majority of our time & energy spent on survival, our entire focus will be on praising God with singing, connecting with each other & having fun. There is no time like the present, of course, to do these things! Eternal life is forever, so in a certain sense, it is already well underway. Lord Jesus, I ask in your name, please let the worship of you through friendship, fun & leisure increase. Bless you Lord for telling us that we're your friends (John 15:15). Your words contain the full measure of your joy within them! Amen.

Luke records Jesus teaching the parable of the sower: "The seed is the word of God." (8:11), He explains to His disciples. When seed falls on good soil it yields an abundant crop (Luke 8:8). Moreover, in the first chapter of John, it is written: "In the beginning ... the word was God. (John 1:1) & the word became flesh & made his dwelling among us (John 1:14). The seed, of course, is Jesus Christ. He gives His word through His disciples, the good soil. Joel Kramer explains it this way: a seed is a container that holds a little plant that can feed & sustain many people.

When planted in good soil, it is the container, the protective, outer shell of the seed that "dies" by breaking open & falling away so that the life unseen within comes forth. A seed that dies in the right conditions, rather than withering into dust, gives way to 'the next version' of itself. This next version is more suitable to the immediate & upcoming environments. Jesus died so His disciples for many generations can live upon His word, resurrected flesh, forgiveness & harvest -- "I am the bread of life" He said (John 6:35). And also, we rest upon & grow in strength from the blessings of the Holy Spirit He's sent us from the Father:

Without intending to be too dramatic or depressing, being sick for so long with me/cfs, has been at least somewhat of a 'dying-to-self' experience. My outer, 'protective shell', or certain, core aspects of my personality have had to give way. There are many things about me that are currently no longer, due to disability.

Not all is lost, thankfully, I have come to appreciate that what I do, feel, think, like & don't like are pretty trivial & temporary aspects of myself compared to my deepest identity in Christ. For it is only in Christ that we are brought to fullness (Colossians 2:10). Does fullness mean perfection? No way, of course not in a human sense anyway. Fullness means knowing the Lord, putting my faith in Him & thus being at peace with what is (e.g. 'whether living in plenty or in want' Philippians 4:12). Not every moment am I content by any means, but in the bigger picture & gradually, increasingly so, I am.

Over many years of increasing disability, as my old self has fallen away, several new versions of me have emerged but they also did not survive. In two years from now, I will be starting my fifth decade! I pray that by then, 'Jeannene 5.0' will be the healthiest version; strong & adaptable to sustain herself long-term. I appreciate already that embracing the opposite ways as well as my old ways, will very likely be required. This is not easy but seems necessary for growth.

For example, I have finally developed past needing to be a helper & caregiver! Phew :) But still, I could improve further in terms of asking for & receiving community (as in unpaid) help. I have changed completely in no longer feeling sad or lonely without validation or input from others when I share these blogs, posts or my art on social media. Also, I am stepping back & letting God do His work through me rather than eagerly, persevering in what I think God's purpose for me is. A wise, new friend recently pointed out to me the Bible verse Proverbs 19:21: "Many are the plans in a person's heart but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."

Jesus told Martha: "I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?" (John 11:25). This photo of a wheat field represents all those who emphatically answer "Yes!"

Back in December of 2023, I wrote about Richard Schwartz' psychological approach called Internal Family Systems (IFS). Today's blog, goes into more detail about IFS from my Christian perspective starting with a quote from Mr. Schwartz's book called No Bad Parts:

Whether this 'steering' toward salvation comes from exiled parts of our psyches or from what Richard Schwartz calls: 'Self Energy', ultimately it is a gift from God. Wisdom of 'the fear of the Lord' makes us aware of God Almighty & appreciate our need of Him as our Savior. This blessing may not happen until we experience our own personal 'Day of the Lord' (a coming to Jesus moment). Often an intense time of judgement, a reckoning & destruction & hopefully praise God, resulting in repentance & salvation. This is sound preparation for THE Day of the Lord that many prophets of the Bible, including Joel, speak about as being 'near' (Joel 1:15, 2:1, 11, 31 & 3:14) - "Who can endure it?"

As mentioned in my previous blog, IFS is an approach used to 'get to know' the complex & delicate inner workings of our minds. Richard Schwartz writes about 'Self Energy' that is needed for such a task. Self Energy involves qualities he calls 'the eight C's': curiosity, calm, confidence, compassion, creativity, clarity, courage & connectedness. Equipped with these qualities, Richard teaches therapists to guide people in discovering & 'unburdening' banished parts that are stuck hurting in past scenarios. The aim of IFS is freeing parts from their protective yet damaging behaviors & roles.

Psychology & spirituality are inextricably intertwined yet often not in a harmonious way. I extend these words of caution about psychological approaches such as IFS because I know that people who are hurting can get very lost & taken advantage of while exploring the depths of themselves. Even as a Christian blessed with relatively harmonious integration of spirituality & psychology, I've experienced this danger. Woe especially to those that attempt such an endeavor who are without the anchor of a strong, conscious relationship with our personal Creator!

Self Energy is considered by many to be a safe way to lead people 'down the rabbit hole' to bring about self-improvement. Furthermore, emotional pain & psychological help can be a doorway for genuine encounters with God. People may very well come to meet God through self-exploration but they also might not. In other words, Self Energy might only possibly scratch the surface regarding spiritual death (not to mention spiritual attacks). Addressing spiritual death ought to be our top priority & first order of business towards fulfilling our truest potential, otherwise, round & round within spiritual death one goes, seeking the peace & comfort of Christ Jesus in everything under the sun but Him. This said, it must be genuine, from a 'tenderized' heart; it can not come about superficially or by coercion. A tenderized heart means feeling the fear of His sheer power & that He means business! Mixed with His unrivaled loving compassion & forgiveness.

Even at our physical & psychological peak of strength & aptitude, we are but a breath (Psalm 144:4)! We are merely vapor - here today & gone tomorrow (James 4:14). Like the grass of the field, we wither & like flowers, our faithfulness fades when the Lord blows upon us (Isaiah 40:6-7). All 'the 8 C's' in the world can't prevent anyone's inevitable & possibly sudden & immediate destruction, but our Lord & Savior Jesus Christ does by offering eternal life: "And it will come about that whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be delivered..." (Joel 2:32). Delivered from spiritual death! Who doesn't want that & why not?

Self Energy pales in comparison to spiritual rebirth. The IFS way of 'unburdening' can not offer us spiritual rebirth: "And there is salvation in no one else; for there is no other name under heaven that has been given among men, by which we must be saved." (Acts 4:12). Richard teaches people to 'unburden' exiles by letting the painful emotions they carry go into one of the elements (e.g. air, water, fire, light, earth). For non-Christians, I think this aspect of IFS appeals to parts that know God & understand that He longs to free us ("...I will put my laws into their minds & I will write them on their hearts." Hebrews 8:10). These parts that know God, maybe they can not yet see Him as our personal, loving Father but they are heading in this direction.

If you think about it, there is an aspect of truth to this way of unburdening because God is everywhere (Ephesians 4:6). Of course He is the light (John 8:12). This said, it can also be misleading & confusing. The concept of psychological unburdening can distract & lead people away from pursuing God in a personal way through Jesus Christ as Lord & Savior. Not mentioning Jesus as the original 'un-burdener' misleads people into believing that with the help of a therapist, we can unburden ourselves, which according to God is inappropriate self-reliance not unlike original sin ("...you will be like God, knowing good & evil." Genesis 3:4). Cleaning up old psychological wounds in this IFS way, likely helps people feel better & perhaps be more functional but it is a far cry from repentance & salvation - rebirth - the official 'starting line' of healing & wholeness!

Of course, we can not force anyone into salvation or even into wanting to entertain or discuss the concept of it. Each person comes to salvation in a way & timing that is drawn by the Father (John 6:44). Some people might get there through psychological 'preparation' such as Self Energy. On a broader note, I hope that more Christians come to appreciate that needing psychological help even during our walk with Christ is no different than needing a doctor but it certainly requires nuanced discernment.

I think a template of IFS can most safely be adapted & utilized by Christians as a way to find & release to the Lord emotional pain, in a more gentle & up to date manner (less archaic & traumatic) than typical 'deliverance' strategies. I have a personal example of how IFS can also help lost Christians find their way back to Jesus in the midst of their darkest 'hour'. During a very difficult time when my already ill-health was in sharp decline & relationship concerns were prolific during the pandemic, I felt I had no where else to turn, even as a Christian. For many years leading up to this time, I had been crying out to God without receiving what felt like enough or practical help. So I got to the point of seeking guidance from trees but they too were silent on these matters, go figure, lol. When I was asked by a therapist using IFS methodology who else was here to help me, this is when Jesus came into much clearer view & I knew what to do. I went to scripture & heard it in a much more meaningful & healing way.

While my health is gradually improving, continued surges of intense symptoms are felt as a remnant. A reminder to me that I share with you about my personal Day of the Lord (much longer than a day; a very, very long season). Keeping me in constant awareness of how powerful He is & to remain steadfast, in awe, humbled & surrendered to Him. He is after our hearts, not our appearance. Our heart is often where we 'store away' our sins, wounds & other burdens as if it is an attic or basement. Christian-based IFS is a way to invite Jesus to enter into & offer up to Him, our most messy, hidden vulnerabilities, where we hold onto things most dear as well as that which we most want to forget.   

I pray a blessing over Richard Schwartz & those who use IFS & other psychological approaches. May IFS bring people to the true healing power of Christ through salvation, amen.

If you are looking for a Christian IFS therapist, here is a list I have come across: https://jennariemersma.com/find-christian-ifs-therapist/

I have made a few short, artistic illustrations on my Instagram & YouTube of some of the points I have written about in this blog.

Thanks for reading. Feel free to pose comments, questions or concerns.

Seeking God's face is all about intimacy with our almighty Creator. It is intentionally bringing God's personal, unconditional love & holiness to shine upon me. Like an eager, tentative child looking to her father for approval as she explores or a spouse's knowing glance from across a crowded room.

One of the most accessible ways of seeking God's face is by reading His word. The more I study God's word, the more clearly I see His face. As a blind person knows faces by touch, I feel the magnificence of meeting God's Holy gaze through scripture! He wants us seeking His face in times of joy & also during trouble for support, conviction & correction.

Otherwise, He may turn to other ways of getting our attention & discipline, as the book of Hosea details. For example, chapter 2 verse 6 states that God used thorns & a wall to stop Gomer from her sin of harlotry.

Before Jesus became the face of God among us, it seems that seeking Him was more arduous & strict but it was also a much more accepted part of everyday life compared to now.

Either way, it still isn't easy to: 1). hear & see God & accept the Gospel. In fact, in our natural state of spiritual death this requires God's intervention; & 2). stay strong on God's path.

Now & in the past, the material world compels us; we get distracted from & forget our need to seek God first & foremost. 

​Furthermore, many people do not acknowledge their need for forgiveness. People can be morally good & do great things, which is wonderful but without accepting the saving grace of God's son Jesus Christ, they remain spiritually dead in sin. 

The book of Hosea makes it clear to me that God wants everyone to know that our greatest need is spiritual met by Him alone!  "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge..." (Hosea 4:6) "For there is no savior besides Me." (Hosea 13:4).

Personal happiness is of top priority in this secular, consumeristic world. Reading through the Bible, it seems this has always been the case. When things are not going our way, we're apt to take matters into our own hands & look to other 'gods' that are expertly marketed as more palatable & profitable. All the while, God pleads with us that it is especially during difficult times that we should look to Him even more closely, noticing for instance, the way His eyes weep or sparkle & smile with ours. "So let us know, let us press on to know the Lord." (Hosea 6:3). This is how we grow beyond ourselves.

There are numerous Bible verses that display God's call for everyone to seek His face. Here are two:
1). “Turn to Me and be saved, all the ends of the earth; For I am God, and there is no other." (Isa. 45:22).

2). Jesus stood and cried out, saying, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink." (John 7:37).
​
​If you think you do not belong to God for any reason, may God's intervention change your mind. Hosea 2:23 states, those who used to be considered "not My people" (e.g. non-Jews), are in fact God's people. Furthermore, at least twice, the New Testament records Jesus saying: "I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." (Matt. 9:13 & Mark 2:17). Note: 'sinners' means everyone.

A wise daily practice it is to humbly confess our blind spots (e.g. "Please my Lord, show me the errors in my way.") as well as sins we’re aware of. Bringing our failures, weakness & brokenness to God almighty is not for the faint of heart. Think of Saul being blinded by the light of God shining upon his sins. "Seek My face" means facing all of ourselves in light of the Father, 'El Roi' (the God who sees me) & 'Galah Raz' (revealer of mysteries). He knows our guilt for sin even before we are born.

Throughout our lives, He works on us, kneading & softening us like clay! Allowing us to feel the wages of sin & thus our need of Him. Graciously He provides us a way back to life with Him, if we so choose it. Within all the frustrations & trials, such a joy-filled sense of relief & gratitude fills me in being set free of death unto life through Christ Jesus. I pray it fills you too, amen.

God offers everyone the ultimate free gift: eternal relationship with Christ! Why some people forever resist this supernatural love & protection is puzzling to me. Yet from my own experience, I see that acceptance of God's gift - belief in Jesus & faith in the Gospel, evolves. It seems that people go through a stage of fading belief & interest due to reasons that are probably similar to why some people never believe. For examples, life's atrocities & challenges ("How could a loving God..."); unanswered prayers & questions; other things & relationships (idols) made priority; adoption of the mainstream-reductionist, analytical worldview.

People in disbelief or the 'estranged' stage of faith are either unable to experience the real life magic of Christ or integrate these experiences with their reality and rather than facing the dissonance, they focus on other aspects of life.

All the while, God  orchestrates that which has us turn towards Him & say "Yes please, thank you God." When we choose to be close enough to hear God, he uses what only he can see in peoples' hearts to guide us. God makes a way, but in this fallen (from God's grace) world, it's often not an easy or pain free way towards His goal of one heart & mind. For instance like when the Lord ensured that Saul & 3000 of Saul's soldiers who were hunting David stay soundly asleep while David showed up Saul!

Forevermore, I'll be relaxing & trusting God not only when life is "good" but especially through difficult times. I'm reading God's word, learning, listening, praying & enjoying God's gift of the living presence of Jesus that keeps on giving :)  Amen!

Balaam shows us that with his mind, he can not see the angel of the Lord but his donkey (which represents his body) not only sees the angel but becomes the voice of the Lord's message. People often stay overly focused on worldly pursuits and ultimately discontented because “The god of this world has blinded the minds of unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ” (2 Corinthians 4:4). So why not read The Word as if you believe and see what happens?

As I consistently commit to God in tangible ways, my connection with His will strengthens. Fairly often this seems slow and invisible, like growing roots of a tree, nevertheless, I feel it. But do my actions & in-actions further God's Kingdom -- whether I'm supporting a loved one, making art or I'm held up by debilitating symptoms, or repenting my sins? Starting each day with prayer "Lord please fill & fuel me with your divine purpose" makes it all for something, sharing God's forgiveness, holiness and eternal life.

"... this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent." (John 17:3) Amen.